General update

I'm on Spring break now...YAY! :) You have NO idea how excited I am to be able to spend time with the boys and to get some more spring cleaning done.

I had my final for my computer class tonight and it sucked. I had a brain fart while I was working on the Excel portion of it and didn't complete about half of that. Which means that I automatically lost about 15-20 points out of the 100 that were available for the entire test. :( From looking at the class average on homework and seeing that I was well above it most of the time, I'm guessing that I'm not the only one who bombed it so I'm seriously hoping that she grades us on a curve. Keep your fingers crossed. I think I did well on the rest of it so we'll see.

I'm going to have to take a hiatus from the C25K. My knees are killing me today! I don't think I truly injured them; I think the problem stems from the extra weight I'm carrying around and my knees are just crying out in agony because they just can't take pounding the pavement right now. Fear not though! I am going to either do HIIT on the elliptical or just walk the 1.45 miles on my lunch hour at work and continue to do TBL Power Sculpt 2-3 times per week.

On a positive note, we still have some left over chocolate candy from our trip to Amish country that has been in the cupboard over a week now and I haven't touched it. I haven't really thought much about it, truth be told. So yay for self-control! :)

I haven't seen my therapist since last week. She really didn't think we had much more to talk about since I'm doing so well. I'm still going to keep working on my workbook as I have time and then when I'm done with that, I'm going to (FINALLY) start reading the books that Becky mailed me.

I am contemplating going back to her though. I'm still not where I want to be as far as being the wife and mother I need to be. I've been slacking a bit in helping Matt around the house and with the kids and it's really catching up to him. I know my plate is full but I could stand not to waste so much time on the internet and doing other mindless things to alleviate some of the burden on him.

I told Matt that I honestly think I'm just burned out on raising kids and having adult responsibilities. As many of you know, I had a pretty shitty childhood. I haven't disclosed even close to everything on here. Heather (Motherfing Princess) can attest to some of the bullshit.

As far as kids go, I love my own, but I'm not really crazy about other people's kids (other than my friends'). I think what that stems from is that I was pretty much forced to help raise my 4 youngest siblings. Not Dahkota so much (my half brother from my mom) since he lived with Mom and I lived with Dad most of my childhood but I was forced to help out with the younger three from my Dad and I really resented that. I changed diapers, fed bottles, bathed them, played with them, babysat them...you name it, I pretty much did it. I just don't feel like I had time to be a kid and not have any worries.

I think that's why sometimes I take advantage (not purposefully...more subconsciously) of Matt's giving personality. I have never been a mother who has ever been worried about taking time out for myself. It's the opposite sometimes because of the whole raising kids for the past twenty years of my life. Yep...you heard me. I've been helping rear children since I was 10 years old. Even when I got older and moved in with my mom at age 16...my sister had Gabrielle a year later, and then abandoned her at 6 weeks old, and so I babysat her at night while my mom and step-dad worked a second shift job. I had to cook dinner sometimes, do laundry, bathe Gabby, and tend to her while they were there, in addition to keeping up with my school work and working part-time. And then I had Adrian a year later. So...no break to just be a kid. :(

I have got to get past that though. I need to re-focus my priorities, which are my husband and my boys. It is hard with school and work but I need to learn that when I do have extra time, that in addition to taking time out to de-stress myself, I need to spend quality time with them.

So in addition to losing weight and getting healthy, that is a new resolution of mine. I know Matt isn't going anywhere but I love him so much and don't ever want to be without him and so I have to show him that. :)

That's about it for now. Good night.