I'm hungry. Not starving, but I really want to snack. Good thing it's almost bed time.
I kicked my own ass today on the elliptical. 31 minutes, 2.11 miles, and 340-some calories burned...woo-hoo! I was actually going over 8 MPH during one of my HIIT dealios.
Semi-hot guy was there again. No texting or talking on the phone though. It's so hard to focus on HIIT down there when I'm worried about a) having an asthma attack (when I don't even have asthma), b) puking, or c) my blubber bouncing about for all to see. I did it though, darnit! :)
Some things I did to keep my mind off the food tonight:
1) Read a book to Collin.
2) Actually got a head start on homework.
3) Watched "A Haunting in Connecticut" Discovery Channel special with Adrian.
4) Painted my finger and toenails (yay for this! I'm so horrible about keeping up with those)
Keep your fingers crossed for tomorrow morning. I'm still weighing obsessively until I break the 230 mark. Unfortunately, that didn't happen today but I was only ounces from doing that so tomorrow may be the day...
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Low Carb Banana Walnut Muffins
Can you say, scrum - diddly - frigging - umptious?!?!?!
Here is the recipe. And here are the pics:
Here is the recipe. And here are the pics:
They have NO flour in them whatsoever but you can't tell. There is no funny aftertaste either. The only complaint I had is that they did stick to the muffin liners a little. So...you may want to spray them with a little cooking spray before you put the mixture in the liners.
Guess what I'm having for breakfast this week? :oP
Oh, and here is the nutritional info before I forget:
Per Muffin: 280 Calories; 23g Fat; 9g Protein; 12g Carbohydrate; 5g Dietary Fiber; 7g Net Carbs
So I finally started one of the books that Becky mailed me...
It's called Overcoming Binge Eating by Dr. Christopher Fairburn. I managed to read through a whole chapter in like 10 minutes. It's such an easy read! :)
What I have decided, thus far, is that I don't think I'm a true binge eater. But then again, I don't know if you have to have all the symptoms/characteristics of binge eating to be a true binge eater?
What I can say is that:
1) I do get pleasure from eating my 'forbidden foods'...at first that is.
2) I do eat faster when I'm eating them...but that's just because I don't want to 'get caught' and I want to do it quickly and get it over with.
3) I do get agitated and extremely upset with myself when I'm done. I feel like a fat pig...a failure...a person with ZERO self-control. :(
4) I do find myself in an altered state of consciousness - i.e. sometimes I don't even realize it and feel like I'm on the outside looking in, if that makes any sense.
5) Secretiveness. Yeah...no one pretty much knows about the eating I do in secret. Prior to December, I'd just eat in front of whoever but after the lecture I got from Matt that will never happen again. Now mind you, I do NOT think he was out of line for talking to me about things but that was definitely an all time low for me. In some respects, him talking to me was not a bad thing.
6) Loss of Control - that kind of goes with #4.
I do find that a lot of the triggers he mentions (breaking a dietary rule, unstructured time, being alone, premenstrual (or during menstrual for me!) tension, and drinking alcohol), are definitely triggers for me.
Okay...so after typing that out, maybe I am a binge eater???
The crazy thing is that a binge for me isn't things like a 1/2 gallon of ice cream, followed by bowls and bowls of cereal, and then a package of cookies. For me it's like, 2-3 cupcakes, a 1/2 bag of chocolate covered peanuts, a large bowl of cereal...and not all together like that. Just one of those at a time.
I dunno. I'm interested to see what else I learn once I have more time to read.
For now, it's off to clean the house and work on cleaning/organizing the garage.
A HUGE thank you to my friend Becky for loaning me this book (and the other one that I plan on reading after finishing this one). I do think that even if I'm not a "binge eater", I think there are some very good things I can learn from these books.
What I have decided, thus far, is that I don't think I'm a true binge eater. But then again, I don't know if you have to have all the symptoms/characteristics of binge eating to be a true binge eater?
What I can say is that:
1) I do get pleasure from eating my 'forbidden foods'...at first that is.
2) I do eat faster when I'm eating them...but that's just because I don't want to 'get caught' and I want to do it quickly and get it over with.
3) I do get agitated and extremely upset with myself when I'm done. I feel like a fat pig...a failure...a person with ZERO self-control. :(
4) I do find myself in an altered state of consciousness - i.e. sometimes I don't even realize it and feel like I'm on the outside looking in, if that makes any sense.
5) Secretiveness. Yeah...no one pretty much knows about the eating I do in secret. Prior to December, I'd just eat in front of whoever but after the lecture I got from Matt that will never happen again. Now mind you, I do NOT think he was out of line for talking to me about things but that was definitely an all time low for me. In some respects, him talking to me was not a bad thing.
6) Loss of Control - that kind of goes with #4.
I do find that a lot of the triggers he mentions (breaking a dietary rule, unstructured time, being alone, premenstrual (or during menstrual for me!) tension, and drinking alcohol), are definitely triggers for me.
Okay...so after typing that out, maybe I am a binge eater???
The crazy thing is that a binge for me isn't things like a 1/2 gallon of ice cream, followed by bowls and bowls of cereal, and then a package of cookies. For me it's like, 2-3 cupcakes, a 1/2 bag of chocolate covered peanuts, a large bowl of cereal...and not all together like that. Just one of those at a time.
I dunno. I'm interested to see what else I learn once I have more time to read.
For now, it's off to clean the house and work on cleaning/organizing the garage.
A HUGE thank you to my friend Becky for loaning me this book (and the other one that I plan on reading after finishing this one). I do think that even if I'm not a "binge eater", I think there are some very good things I can learn from these books.
I'm so proud!
Adrian brought home all A's and B's again. I was a bit nervous because he had a C in Math on his mid-term but he brought it up to a B. He is now $22 closer to his PlayStation 3. His total saved since Christmas is $144 so he's almost 1/2 way there.
I could not be more proud of him! :D
I could not be more proud of him! :D
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Plugging a blog!
My BFF Heather has a new blog: http://caffeinelifestyle.blogspot.com/
She will be doing podcasts about anything from her caffeine addiction, to fitness tips, to her crazy life. Check it out! :)
She will be doing podcasts about anything from her caffeine addiction, to fitness tips, to her crazy life. Check it out! :)
Friday, March 27, 2009
Weekly weigh-in
Copied and pasted from BabyCenter:
I'm going to do my weigh-in a little different this week just so (you and) I can see how far I've come...
Highest non-pregnant weight: 256 lbs.
Low-carb start weight: 248 lbs. (August 2008)
Last week's weigh-in: 232.3 lbs.
Current weight: 230.9 lbs.
Loss from last week: 1.4 lbs.
I'm happy yet I'm bummed. The 230s really are my arch nemesis. I have not been able to get past them. I'm at the weight I was before Thanksgiving, which is a bit depressing. However, I'm SO close to getting out of the 230s that I just know I'll be under 230 next week.
Keep your fingers crossed for me!
I'm going to do my weigh-in a little different this week just so (you and) I can see how far I've come...
Highest non-pregnant weight: 256 lbs.
Low-carb start weight: 248 lbs. (August 2008)
Last week's weigh-in: 232.3 lbs.
Current weight: 230.9 lbs.
Loss from last week: 1.4 lbs.
I'm happy yet I'm bummed. The 230s really are my arch nemesis. I have not been able to get past them. I'm at the weight I was before Thanksgiving, which is a bit depressing. However, I'm SO close to getting out of the 230s that I just know I'll be under 230 next week.
Keep your fingers crossed for me!
Creepy!
So I got this friend request and message from MySpace:
iceman wants to be your friend! wow u look hot i wouid love to get to know u better from beau
He must have gotten a new profile because I know I blocked him two years ago for the same type of crap. Heather knows exactly who this is. He has had a thing for me (and several other girls we graduated with) for years. This actually dates back to school and then when Adrian's sperm donor and I were together, he knew he had a crush on me and totally gave him my number (when I was hugely pregnant).
When he used to see me in public, he would totally chase me down and talk my ear off. Thankfully, he doesn't recognize me in public anymore because I have cut my hair off and put on about 80 lbs...
Friend request...DENIED.
iceman wants to be your friend! wow u look hot i wouid love to get to know u better from beau
He must have gotten a new profile because I know I blocked him two years ago for the same type of crap. Heather knows exactly who this is. He has had a thing for me (and several other girls we graduated with) for years. This actually dates back to school and then when Adrian's sperm donor and I were together, he knew he had a crush on me and totally gave him my number (when I was hugely pregnant).
When he used to see me in public, he would totally chase me down and talk my ear off. Thankfully, he doesn't recognize me in public anymore because I have cut my hair off and put on about 80 lbs...
Friend request...DENIED.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Two days in a row
On the elliptical that is. I did 1.95 miles in 31 minutes and burned 365 calories. Woo-hoo!
My knees are protesting though. They crack and have this weird buckling thing going on like you wouldn't believe. They don't hurt...they just feel strange. I have two lunch dates this week and so no more elliptical at lunchtime so I'm hoping that the rest over the weekend will get them back to normal. I am going to do a couple days of TBL Power Sculpt though, but that should be okay since that isn't too hard on the knees.
I am proud of myself though. I hate, hate, hate working out in front of people but I'm doing it. Today was the first day that I worked out beside a semi-hot guy at work and wasn't totally self-conscious of my blubber bouncing around everywhere. I actually just cranked up my iPod and tuned him out. Except for when he was texting and talking on his cell phone. The guy was RUNNING on the treadmill and talking/texting. I was disturbed, yet impressed, at the same time. I snuck a peek at his speed and he was running 6.8 MPH the entire time. That is SUPER impressive (or stupid, depending on how you look at it).
I'd never do that but that's because I'm so uncoordinated that I'd surely hurt or scalp myself.
Speaking of that, a friend of mine sent me pictures today that were quite frightening. She was working out on her treadmill when one of her kids shoved her daughter down and her hair got caught in the treadmill. Poor little thing lost a whole handful of hair and has a little bald patch! I'm just glad it wasn't more serious.
That is one more reason why I don't work out on equipment like that at home...
My knees are protesting though. They crack and have this weird buckling thing going on like you wouldn't believe. They don't hurt...they just feel strange. I have two lunch dates this week and so no more elliptical at lunchtime so I'm hoping that the rest over the weekend will get them back to normal. I am going to do a couple days of TBL Power Sculpt though, but that should be okay since that isn't too hard on the knees.
I am proud of myself though. I hate, hate, hate working out in front of people but I'm doing it. Today was the first day that I worked out beside a semi-hot guy at work and wasn't totally self-conscious of my blubber bouncing around everywhere. I actually just cranked up my iPod and tuned him out. Except for when he was texting and talking on his cell phone. The guy was RUNNING on the treadmill and talking/texting. I was disturbed, yet impressed, at the same time. I snuck a peek at his speed and he was running 6.8 MPH the entire time. That is SUPER impressive (or stupid, depending on how you look at it).
I'd never do that but that's because I'm so uncoordinated that I'd surely hurt or scalp myself.
Speaking of that, a friend of mine sent me pictures today that were quite frightening. She was working out on her treadmill when one of her kids shoved her daughter down and her hair got caught in the treadmill. Poor little thing lost a whole handful of hair and has a little bald patch! I'm just glad it wasn't more serious.
That is one more reason why I don't work out on equipment like that at home...
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Calorie calculator
Check this out: http://jessweightloss.blogspot.com/
There is a calorie calculator in the second or so post and it's pretty nifty. I'm not sure how accurate it is but it looks pretty accurate to me. Just thought you might be interested...
There is a calorie calculator in the second or so post and it's pretty nifty. I'm not sure how accurate it is but it looks pretty accurate to me. Just thought you might be interested...
Redeemed myself a little...
I forced myself to workout on the elliptical today. It's been about a week since I worked out; partly because I've been so busy and partly because my knees are still bothering me.
I did 31 minutes of HIIT on the elliptical. I really, really didn't want to do it because my knees are still hurting but I forced myself to. I'm glad that I did though. I went 1.89 miles and burned about 370 calories! Woo-hoo!!!
I did 31 minutes of HIIT on the elliptical. I really, really didn't want to do it because my knees are still hurting but I forced myself to. I'm glad that I did though. I went 1.89 miles and burned about 370 calories! Woo-hoo!!!
The rest of the cupcakes have GOT to go!
Matt - if you're reading this before I get home, please get rid of them. Throw them away, give them to your mom...hell...feed them to the birds! Just make them go away!
We still have all of that chocolate and peanut butter fudge from Amish country and I haven't thought twice about it but crap like the above just doesn't stand a chance right now.
I think I'm starting Becky's books tonight. :( (or should that be :)?)
We still have all of that chocolate and peanut butter fudge from Amish country and I haven't thought twice about it but crap like the above just doesn't stand a chance right now.
I think I'm starting Becky's books tonight. :( (or should that be :)?)
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Commit to be fit 5K
I totally forgot to tell y'all that I signed up for this. I also signed up Matt up (much to his dismay) and then signed Adrian up for the mascot chase.
I'm obviously in no shape to run it but I'm excited about doing it. We get a free t-shirt out of it and then we get to hang out with Adrian.
Speaking of him, he is totally a natural born runner. He has won the running portions of their class' field day every year the past two or three years. He is going to start running cross-country in Junior High (he already decided) and my goal is to be able to run with him. That gives me about 2 1/2 years to run so I hope that I am able to do it by then (barring some unforeseen injury).
The 5K is on May 2nd. I will definitely post pictures so check back around then.
I'm obviously in no shape to run it but I'm excited about doing it. We get a free t-shirt out of it and then we get to hang out with Adrian.
Speaking of him, he is totally a natural born runner. He has won the running portions of their class' field day every year the past two or three years. He is going to start running cross-country in Junior High (he already decided) and my goal is to be able to run with him. That gives me about 2 1/2 years to run so I hope that I am able to do it by then (barring some unforeseen injury).
The 5K is on May 2nd. I will definitely post pictures so check back around then.
Tracy's 30th Birthday
Wow! We had a BLAST!
First of all, I have to give props to our designated driver. :) We rented a bus and he drove us down to Columbus. Let me just say that I was proud of myself for not being half tanked by the time I got on that thing. We had some people that were already three sheets to the wind when we got on. To each their own though...
We went to Chubby's in Columbus. Great food, great atmosphere, and a ton of fun! I was completely blown away by their portion sizes though. I ordered chicken tenders and the platter was probably 8-9 inches wide by 5 inches tall and just heaped to the max. Tasty but there is no way in hell that a normal person can eat that much food. Whew!
Next and last stop was the Whisky Ranch (Heather...this is your kind of place!) since Tracy wanted to ride a mechanical bull for her birthday. No...I did not get on the bull but I danced ON THE BAR! You read that right...on the fricking bar! (I'll do anything for a free shot!) I don't know if I'd ever do it again but I'm glad I did to say that I did once. :D Here are the pics to prove it:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=21529&id=1240073638&l=178acd2f3b
Not the most flattering pictures but just reinforces that I have a long way to go on my good health journey. It was the most fun I've had in a long time though! :D
First of all, I have to give props to our designated driver. :) We rented a bus and he drove us down to Columbus. Let me just say that I was proud of myself for not being half tanked by the time I got on that thing. We had some people that were already three sheets to the wind when we got on. To each their own though...
We went to Chubby's in Columbus. Great food, great atmosphere, and a ton of fun! I was completely blown away by their portion sizes though. I ordered chicken tenders and the platter was probably 8-9 inches wide by 5 inches tall and just heaped to the max. Tasty but there is no way in hell that a normal person can eat that much food. Whew!
Next and last stop was the Whisky Ranch (Heather...this is your kind of place!) since Tracy wanted to ride a mechanical bull for her birthday. No...I did not get on the bull but I danced ON THE BAR! You read that right...on the fricking bar! (I'll do anything for a free shot!) I don't know if I'd ever do it again but I'm glad I did to say that I did once. :D Here are the pics to prove it:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=21529&id=1240073638&l=178acd2f3b
Not the most flattering pictures but just reinforces that I have a long way to go on my good health journey. It was the most fun I've had in a long time though! :D
Saturday, March 21, 2009
I'm a size 3!
At least according to the new right fit jeans at Fashion Bug. :)
I decided to go shopping last night because my pants selection has dwindled since most of my crap is too big now (definitely not a bad thing!). So...I went to my favorite place to shop locally...Fashion Bug. I went to the plus-sized section and was getting pissed because all I could find was size 8 and below.
Finally...after looking around for a 1/2 hour, I broke down and talked to one of the employees about why I couldn't find any damn jeans. Then they explained the new right fit jeans to me. It's pretty cool because I can never find jeans (or pants for that matter) that fit correctly. I have a rather large derriere and baby pooch so my jeans always gap in the back, sag at the butt, and are tight as heck in the front.
With right fit, I found a pair of jeans that fit perfectly! Woo-hoo!
You should check 'em out if you're in the market for a good pair of jeans. I'm a size three, right fit blue. I bought the rodeo style, which sits right at or below the waist and is a boot cut. They are super cute!
Oh, and on a totally unrelated note, I have Tracy's 30th birthday party tonight so check back for pictures tomorrow! :)
I decided to go shopping last night because my pants selection has dwindled since most of my crap is too big now (definitely not a bad thing!). So...I went to my favorite place to shop locally...Fashion Bug. I went to the plus-sized section and was getting pissed because all I could find was size 8 and below.
Finally...after looking around for a 1/2 hour, I broke down and talked to one of the employees about why I couldn't find any damn jeans. Then they explained the new right fit jeans to me. It's pretty cool because I can never find jeans (or pants for that matter) that fit correctly. I have a rather large derriere and baby pooch so my jeans always gap in the back, sag at the butt, and are tight as heck in the front.
With right fit, I found a pair of jeans that fit perfectly! Woo-hoo!
You should check 'em out if you're in the market for a good pair of jeans. I'm a size three, right fit blue. I bought the rodeo style, which sits right at or below the waist and is a boot cut. They are super cute!
Oh, and on a totally unrelated note, I have Tracy's 30th birthday party tonight so check back for pictures tomorrow! :)
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Spring break!
Thank God school is over for the quarter! This past quarter seriously kicked my ass! That is the first and last time I take three classes in one quarter and work full-time.
I totally blanked on about 1/3 of my final exam in my Computer Applications II class. I lost 20 out of 100 points because of my little brain fart. It dropped my GPA 7 points to 3.81. Argh!
The dork in me really, really wants to graduate Summa Cum Laude. There's no way that's happening with that GPA. :/
I'm taking Organizational Behavior (boring!) and Pre-Algebra next quarter. Yes folks...you read that right. I SUCK at math. I had really shitty math teachers in high school (Heather will vouch for this) and I didn't learn anything from them. So I get to taking effing Pre-Algebra.
It's totally going to blow.
I totally blanked on about 1/3 of my final exam in my Computer Applications II class. I lost 20 out of 100 points because of my little brain fart. It dropped my GPA 7 points to 3.81. Argh!
The dork in me really, really wants to graduate Summa Cum Laude. There's no way that's happening with that GPA. :/
I'm taking Organizational Behavior (boring!) and Pre-Algebra next quarter. Yes folks...you read that right. I SUCK at math. I had really shitty math teachers in high school (Heather will vouch for this) and I didn't learn anything from them. So I get to taking effing Pre-Algebra.
It's totally going to blow.
We've been a crafty bunch this week
Check it out:
Fear not though...the majority of these little confectionery treats are going to work with me tomorrow for our Spring potluck. I think I may take the rest of them to my dad's birthday party on Saturday...
Adrian's diorama - my mom would kick my ass right now if she saw these toy indians!
Another view - not sure why it's sideways - stupid camera!
My hobby :)
Not exactly conducive to losing weight but aren't they pretty?
Fear not though...the majority of these little confectionery treats are going to work with me tomorrow for our Spring potluck. I think I may take the rest of them to my dad's birthday party on Saturday...
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
General update
I'm on Spring break now...YAY! :) You have NO idea how excited I am to be able to spend time with the boys and to get some more spring cleaning done.
I had my final for my computer class tonight and it sucked. I had a brain fart while I was working on the Excel portion of it and didn't complete about half of that. Which means that I automatically lost about 15-20 points out of the 100 that were available for the entire test. :( From looking at the class average on homework and seeing that I was well above it most of the time, I'm guessing that I'm not the only one who bombed it so I'm seriously hoping that she grades us on a curve. Keep your fingers crossed. I think I did well on the rest of it so we'll see.
I'm going to have to take a hiatus from the C25K. My knees are killing me today! I don't think I truly injured them; I think the problem stems from the extra weight I'm carrying around and my knees are just crying out in agony because they just can't take pounding the pavement right now. Fear not though! I am going to either do HIIT on the elliptical or just walk the 1.45 miles on my lunch hour at work and continue to do TBL Power Sculpt 2-3 times per week.
On a positive note, we still have some left over chocolate candy from our trip to Amish country that has been in the cupboard over a week now and I haven't touched it. I haven't really thought much about it, truth be told. So yay for self-control! :)
I haven't seen my therapist since last week. She really didn't think we had much more to talk about since I'm doing so well. I'm still going to keep working on my workbook as I have time and then when I'm done with that, I'm going to (FINALLY) start reading the books that Becky mailed me.
I am contemplating going back to her though. I'm still not where I want to be as far as being the wife and mother I need to be. I've been slacking a bit in helping Matt around the house and with the kids and it's really catching up to him. I know my plate is full but I could stand not to waste so much time on the internet and doing other mindless things to alleviate some of the burden on him.
I told Matt that I honestly think I'm just burned out on raising kids and having adult responsibilities. As many of you know, I had a pretty shitty childhood. I haven't disclosed even close to everything on here. Heather (Motherfing Princess) can attest to some of the bullshit.
As far as kids go, I love my own, but I'm not really crazy about other people's kids (other than my friends'). I think what that stems from is that I was pretty much forced to help raise my 4 youngest siblings. Not Dahkota so much (my half brother from my mom) since he lived with Mom and I lived with Dad most of my childhood but I was forced to help out with the younger three from my Dad and I really resented that. I changed diapers, fed bottles, bathed them, played with them, babysat them...you name it, I pretty much did it. I just don't feel like I had time to be a kid and not have any worries.
I think that's why sometimes I take advantage (not purposefully...more subconsciously) of Matt's giving personality. I have never been a mother who has ever been worried about taking time out for myself. It's the opposite sometimes because of the whole raising kids for the past twenty years of my life. Yep...you heard me. I've been helping rear children since I was 10 years old. Even when I got older and moved in with my mom at age 16...my sister had Gabrielle a year later, and then abandoned her at 6 weeks old, and so I babysat her at night while my mom and step-dad worked a second shift job. I had to cook dinner sometimes, do laundry, bathe Gabby, and tend to her while they were there, in addition to keeping up with my school work and working part-time. And then I had Adrian a year later. So...no break to just be a kid. :(
I have got to get past that though. I need to re-focus my priorities, which are my husband and my boys. It is hard with school and work but I need to learn that when I do have extra time, that in addition to taking time out to de-stress myself, I need to spend quality time with them.
So in addition to losing weight and getting healthy, that is a new resolution of mine. I know Matt isn't going anywhere but I love him so much and don't ever want to be without him and so I have to show him that. :)
That's about it for now. Good night.
I had my final for my computer class tonight and it sucked. I had a brain fart while I was working on the Excel portion of it and didn't complete about half of that. Which means that I automatically lost about 15-20 points out of the 100 that were available for the entire test. :( From looking at the class average on homework and seeing that I was well above it most of the time, I'm guessing that I'm not the only one who bombed it so I'm seriously hoping that she grades us on a curve. Keep your fingers crossed. I think I did well on the rest of it so we'll see.
I'm going to have to take a hiatus from the C25K. My knees are killing me today! I don't think I truly injured them; I think the problem stems from the extra weight I'm carrying around and my knees are just crying out in agony because they just can't take pounding the pavement right now. Fear not though! I am going to either do HIIT on the elliptical or just walk the 1.45 miles on my lunch hour at work and continue to do TBL Power Sculpt 2-3 times per week.
On a positive note, we still have some left over chocolate candy from our trip to Amish country that has been in the cupboard over a week now and I haven't touched it. I haven't really thought much about it, truth be told. So yay for self-control! :)
I haven't seen my therapist since last week. She really didn't think we had much more to talk about since I'm doing so well. I'm still going to keep working on my workbook as I have time and then when I'm done with that, I'm going to (FINALLY) start reading the books that Becky mailed me.
I am contemplating going back to her though. I'm still not where I want to be as far as being the wife and mother I need to be. I've been slacking a bit in helping Matt around the house and with the kids and it's really catching up to him. I know my plate is full but I could stand not to waste so much time on the internet and doing other mindless things to alleviate some of the burden on him.
I told Matt that I honestly think I'm just burned out on raising kids and having adult responsibilities. As many of you know, I had a pretty shitty childhood. I haven't disclosed even close to everything on here. Heather (Motherfing Princess) can attest to some of the bullshit.
As far as kids go, I love my own, but I'm not really crazy about other people's kids (other than my friends'). I think what that stems from is that I was pretty much forced to help raise my 4 youngest siblings. Not Dahkota so much (my half brother from my mom) since he lived with Mom and I lived with Dad most of my childhood but I was forced to help out with the younger three from my Dad and I really resented that. I changed diapers, fed bottles, bathed them, played with them, babysat them...you name it, I pretty much did it. I just don't feel like I had time to be a kid and not have any worries.
I think that's why sometimes I take advantage (not purposefully...more subconsciously) of Matt's giving personality. I have never been a mother who has ever been worried about taking time out for myself. It's the opposite sometimes because of the whole raising kids for the past twenty years of my life. Yep...you heard me. I've been helping rear children since I was 10 years old. Even when I got older and moved in with my mom at age 16...my sister had Gabrielle a year later, and then abandoned her at 6 weeks old, and so I babysat her at night while my mom and step-dad worked a second shift job. I had to cook dinner sometimes, do laundry, bathe Gabby, and tend to her while they were there, in addition to keeping up with my school work and working part-time. And then I had Adrian a year later. So...no break to just be a kid. :(
I have got to get past that though. I need to re-focus my priorities, which are my husband and my boys. It is hard with school and work but I need to learn that when I do have extra time, that in addition to taking time out to de-stress myself, I need to spend quality time with them.
So in addition to losing weight and getting healthy, that is a new resolution of mine. I know Matt isn't going anywhere but I love him so much and don't ever want to be without him and so I have to show him that. :)
That's about it for now. Good night.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Sorry I haven't been around!
My schedule is completely nuts right now. I have been working on a school project that is about 1/4 of my grade today. It's due tomorrow night at 11:00 p.m. and it's almost done. I also have some homework (for the same class) that I must try to finish before then as well. I was supposed to have been doing it throughout the quarter (just few point assignments here and there) but I have been so busy that I didn't have time to do them all.
I did much better on my eating this weekend than last so I'm excited about that.
I was not able to do C25K on Thursday last week since I had a small groin injury but I seem to be doing much better, so back to training tomorrow. It's supposed to be beautiful this week and so I'm quite excited to be running outside. :)
I know I was supposed to blog about my sister several days ago so I'm sorry but here goes (the short version)...
Anyone who knows me knows that I have a younger sister, Naomi, who is 15 months younger than me. She is an unmedicated bi-polar/schizophrenic...not a good combination at all. She self-medicates with crack cocaine and supports her habit with some not-so-good choices. She was living up in Michigan, near my mom and brother Julian, for the past couple of months. She was pregnant and ended up having another miscarriage because of stupid choices but we thought she was doing a little better.
Long story, short, she invited herself down last weekend since the rest of my family was coming in for my National Honor Society ceremony. She and my brother ended up having a huge blow-up on the drive down here; she hit him, yelled obscenities about our mom, and then (as they were arguing on the side of the highway) tried to run out into oncoming traffic and kill herself. The whole time my poor niece (whom my mom is raising) witnessed this whole fiasco and was pretty hysterical. Naomi went off the deep end...to put it mildly. They couldn't get her calmed down and so they just left her. I'm not so sure I would have made that choice but there wasn't anything I could do about it after the fact.
So...I'm fairly certain she is back down in Columbus, Ohio, running the streets, strung out on God only knows what. It breaks my heart to know that, and not being certain she is okay, but we have done everything we can do to help her get better. Every time she is close to getting medicated and getting better, she bolts. And there's not much you can do to force a nearly 29-year old to seek mental health treatment.
That's it in a nutshell. :( If you are religious, please say a prayer for her. If not, please send positive thoughts our way. Thanks.
I'm going to be pretty busy the next two days with school but I promise I'll be back to blogging regularly after Tuesday...
I did much better on my eating this weekend than last so I'm excited about that.
I was not able to do C25K on Thursday last week since I had a small groin injury but I seem to be doing much better, so back to training tomorrow. It's supposed to be beautiful this week and so I'm quite excited to be running outside. :)
I know I was supposed to blog about my sister several days ago so I'm sorry but here goes (the short version)...
Anyone who knows me knows that I have a younger sister, Naomi, who is 15 months younger than me. She is an unmedicated bi-polar/schizophrenic...not a good combination at all. She self-medicates with crack cocaine and supports her habit with some not-so-good choices. She was living up in Michigan, near my mom and brother Julian, for the past couple of months. She was pregnant and ended up having another miscarriage because of stupid choices but we thought she was doing a little better.
Long story, short, she invited herself down last weekend since the rest of my family was coming in for my National Honor Society ceremony. She and my brother ended up having a huge blow-up on the drive down here; she hit him, yelled obscenities about our mom, and then (as they were arguing on the side of the highway) tried to run out into oncoming traffic and kill herself. The whole time my poor niece (whom my mom is raising) witnessed this whole fiasco and was pretty hysterical. Naomi went off the deep end...to put it mildly. They couldn't get her calmed down and so they just left her. I'm not so sure I would have made that choice but there wasn't anything I could do about it after the fact.
So...I'm fairly certain she is back down in Columbus, Ohio, running the streets, strung out on God only knows what. It breaks my heart to know that, and not being certain she is okay, but we have done everything we can do to help her get better. Every time she is close to getting medicated and getting better, she bolts. And there's not much you can do to force a nearly 29-year old to seek mental health treatment.
That's it in a nutshell. :( If you are religious, please say a prayer for her. If not, please send positive thoughts our way. Thanks.
I'm going to be pretty busy the next two days with school but I promise I'll be back to blogging regularly after Tuesday...
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Look what I did?!
On a whim! And by myself, no less!
What do you think? I *love* it! Not only does my face look 10 lbs. lighter but I look younger too! Woo-hoo!
Monday, March 9, 2009
My sister / family drama...
I'll try to blog about that tomorrow (for those of you I promised). If I had to guess, that may have contributed to the binge session this past weekend.
For now, off to bed since Matt is waiting on me. He's going to kick my ass as it is since I did homework all night.
For now, off to bed since Matt is waiting on me. He's going to kick my ass as it is since I did homework all night.
Pictures!
On a positive note, here are some pictures from my National Honor Society Induction ceremony from this weekend (for those of you who haven't seen them yet):
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=20320&id=1240073638&l=ed40a
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=20320&id=1240073638&l=ed40a
Blech!
Yeah, I know. I suck. I haven't blogged in days.
I did horrible with my food this weekend. It all started on Friday. To be honest, I was pissed at myself for only losing .2 lbs. since it would have been more but for my little mini-binge session on pizza and chocolate chip cookies on Wednesday.
So what did I do, you ask?
I ate, and ate, and ate, and ate, and ate some more. Here is a bit of what I had this past weekend (Friday to today): doughnut, pizza, shamrock shake, so many chocolate-covered peanut clusters (from Amish country) that I feel like I'm going to puke if I ever eat another one (about 3/4 of a 1 lbs. bag), a medium double mocha Starbucks frappucino, boneless chicken teriyaki wings from BW3s, potato wedges, one regular margarita, a few sips of regular cherry coke, several pieces of chocolate peanut butter fudge and not one but two honey mustard chicken sandwiches.
Matt is going to kick my ass. I don't blame him...I need someone to.
I feel absolutely DISGUSTING. Maybe I am a binge eater after all? :(
When I talked to my therapist today I told her that I feel like if I just had a sponsor like alcoholics do, I'd do so much better. Maybe I can enlist my mom to be my 'sponsor'??? She can give me tough love without hurting my feelings.
I cannot believe that I blew my fucking weigh-in already this week. (pardon the cussing...I'm PISSED!)
I'm sorry everyone. :( I'm going to try to get back on track tomorrow.
I did horrible with my food this weekend. It all started on Friday. To be honest, I was pissed at myself for only losing .2 lbs. since it would have been more but for my little mini-binge session on pizza and chocolate chip cookies on Wednesday.
So what did I do, you ask?
I ate, and ate, and ate, and ate, and ate some more. Here is a bit of what I had this past weekend (Friday to today): doughnut, pizza, shamrock shake, so many chocolate-covered peanut clusters (from Amish country) that I feel like I'm going to puke if I ever eat another one (about 3/4 of a 1 lbs. bag), a medium double mocha Starbucks frappucino, boneless chicken teriyaki wings from BW3s, potato wedges, one regular margarita, a few sips of regular cherry coke, several pieces of chocolate peanut butter fudge and not one but two honey mustard chicken sandwiches.
Matt is going to kick my ass. I don't blame him...I need someone to.
I feel absolutely DISGUSTING. Maybe I am a binge eater after all? :(
When I talked to my therapist today I told her that I feel like if I just had a sponsor like alcoholics do, I'd do so much better. Maybe I can enlist my mom to be my 'sponsor'??? She can give me tough love without hurting my feelings.
I cannot believe that I blew my fucking weigh-in already this week. (pardon the cussing...I'm PISSED!)
I'm sorry everyone. :( I'm going to try to get back on track tomorrow.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Check this out
Here is the message I got when I tracked my fitness stuff on Sparkpeople tonight:
*You've gone over your weekly calories burned goal by a significant amount. Your calories eaten goal will not adjust automatically. If you have increased the amount of exercise you are doing, you should update your fitness settings here to make sure you are consuming enough calories to support the additional activity.
Woo-hoo!
*You've gone over your weekly calories burned goal by a significant amount. Your calories eaten goal will not adjust automatically. If you have increased the amount of exercise you are doing, you should update your fitness settings here to make sure you are consuming enough calories to support the additional activity.
Woo-hoo!
Wowza!
I kicked my own ass today. Wowza!
I did HIIT outside as I alternated brisk walking and jogging/running...one minute of running for every four minutes of walking. 1.45 miles in 23 minutes.
I was seriously reconsidering doing the couch to 5K as I mentioned previously. However, I hate quitting something without giving it a good go so I'm going to stick with it and see how it goes. My damn iPod was dead though so I'm going to have to remember to charge it before the next time.
It's bad enough that my boobs almost gave me two black eyes but without something to focus on (i.e. my music) I was extremely self-conscious of my blubber bouncing around for all to see. I work in a well-to-do suburb of Columbus, Ohio so the people in the beemers and Mercedes got a nice show today. Oh, well. Hope they got a good laugh.
I'm just kidding. Kind of. I'm just a little neurotic like that. For the longest time I wouldn't exercise outside because I swore that people were secretly laughing at me or making fun of me. It's taken a long time to get over this neurosis and it's still a work in progress but I refuse to let this blubber hold me back from exercising like that outside.
It was beautiful today. 50 degrees or so and nice and sunny. I can't wait for Spring!!!
I did HIIT outside as I alternated brisk walking and jogging/running...one minute of running for every four minutes of walking. 1.45 miles in 23 minutes.
I was seriously reconsidering doing the couch to 5K as I mentioned previously. However, I hate quitting something without giving it a good go so I'm going to stick with it and see how it goes. My damn iPod was dead though so I'm going to have to remember to charge it before the next time.
It's bad enough that my boobs almost gave me two black eyes but without something to focus on (i.e. my music) I was extremely self-conscious of my blubber bouncing around for all to see. I work in a well-to-do suburb of Columbus, Ohio so the people in the beemers and Mercedes got a nice show today. Oh, well. Hope they got a good laugh.
I'm just kidding. Kind of. I'm just a little neurotic like that. For the longest time I wouldn't exercise outside because I swore that people were secretly laughing at me or making fun of me. It's taken a long time to get over this neurosis and it's still a work in progress but I refuse to let this blubber hold me back from exercising like that outside.
It was beautiful today. 50 degrees or so and nice and sunny. I can't wait for Spring!!!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Self-sabotage, anyone?
I was doing SO good and then BAM! They snuck up on me. The mindless munchies that is.
It all started with Breakfast. I coordinate a birthday celebration group at my job and I'm in charge of picking up the bagels for each birthday from Panera (yummy!). I've gotten a souffle the past couple of times, which is not really low-carb but I believe it's better than the bagels. Then I decided to pick up Subway for lunch while I was out. All and all, not bad on it's own. I decided to work over and I was not prepared; I didn't bring a snack (although I still had my pita and sugar-free jell-o from lunch so that was no excuse) and so I got super hungry in the afternoon. There was leftover pizza and HUGE chocolate chip cookies from an on-site luncheon so I helped myself to both. I only had 3 small pieces of pizza but I ate not one but TWO of the damn chocolate chip cookies!
I really, really hope I didn't blow my weigh-in this week.
Oh, and I didn't get to work out since I worked over but I am doing HIIT on the elliptical tomorrow so hopefully that will help.
WTH is wrong with me?!
Better choices tomorrow. That's what I'm making.
It all started with Breakfast. I coordinate a birthday celebration group at my job and I'm in charge of picking up the bagels for each birthday from Panera (yummy!). I've gotten a souffle the past couple of times, which is not really low-carb but I believe it's better than the bagels. Then I decided to pick up Subway for lunch while I was out. All and all, not bad on it's own. I decided to work over and I was not prepared; I didn't bring a snack (although I still had my pita and sugar-free jell-o from lunch so that was no excuse) and so I got super hungry in the afternoon. There was leftover pizza and HUGE chocolate chip cookies from an on-site luncheon so I helped myself to both. I only had 3 small pieces of pizza but I ate not one but TWO of the damn chocolate chip cookies!
I really, really hope I didn't blow my weigh-in this week.
Oh, and I didn't get to work out since I worked over but I am doing HIIT on the elliptical tomorrow so hopefully that will help.
WTH is wrong with me?!
Better choices tomorrow. That's what I'm making.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Yee-haw!
I paid off not one, not two, not three, but FOUR credit cards tonight! They probably only totaled $1,000 but that's four less payments I have to make per month when I pay bills.
Hooray for tax returns! :)
Hooray for tax returns! :)
The Biggest Loser Power Sculpt - Week #1, Day #2
It was a bit harder to do today. All in all though, I love the way it makes me feel. Tomorrow will be another test. It is my HIIT day on the elliptical AND I'm going to do day #3 of TBL Power Sculpt. Keep your fingers crossed!
Unofficial weigh-in
I think I'm going to break out of the 230s this week (FINALLY!!!).
I (unofficially) weighed in at 230.1 lbs. today, which equates to a loss of another 2.5 lbs. since Friday.
This is my lowest weigh-in yet since November and so I'm quite excited about it.
I'm finally feeling a bit better and have gotten back on track with my eating so I credit that.
WOO-HOO!
On another positive note, I was a bit concerned about how I'd feel today after yesterday's workout but I feel great. I'm a little sore but nothing like I thought I might feel. Yay!
I hope to get to work out tonight too but I've got a meeting with one of my teacher's and then some homework to finish up. I hope so...I'm looking forward to it. :)
I (unofficially) weighed in at 230.1 lbs. today, which equates to a loss of another 2.5 lbs. since Friday.
This is my lowest weigh-in yet since November and so I'm quite excited about it.
I'm finally feeling a bit better and have gotten back on track with my eating so I credit that.
WOO-HOO!
On another positive note, I was a bit concerned about how I'd feel today after yesterday's workout but I feel great. I'm a little sore but nothing like I thought I might feel. Yay!
I hope to get to work out tonight too but I've got a meeting with one of my teacher's and then some homework to finish up. I hope so...I'm looking forward to it. :)
Sunday, March 1, 2009
The Biggest Loser Power Sculpt (and other random things)
I started level 1 today. Not as difficult as I thought it would be but we'll see how I feel tomorrow. This is only 20 minutes (for level 1) so I'm going to see if I can get in 5-6 days per week, plus HIIT twice a week for 25-30 minutes on the elliptical.
I don't know if I mentioned here, but once it warms up outside, I am serious contemplating doing the couch to 5K. I seriously doubt in my current shape (round, LOL) that I could do this program in nine weeks but I bet if I did each week in two or three weeks instead of one, that I might be able to do it. I bought some pretty schweet New Balance running shoes and I've got my handy-dandy iPod so I cannot wait to try!
Oh, and I woke up feeling like crud again today but my cough seems to be getting better so that's good. Working out definitely made me feel 100% better.
And before I forget, Matt is going to start taking progress pictures for me in my sports bra and spandex shorts (you know - like on The Biggest Loser) so we can document my progress. I don't think I'll post them here (for the time being) but when I am able to drop another 15-20 lbs., I may consider it.
Lastly (gosh I'm A.D.D. today!), I didn't forget about my clothing pictures. I just haven't got around to taking them yet. I promise I will though...just don't know if it will be today since I have some more homework to do.
I don't know if I mentioned here, but once it warms up outside, I am serious contemplating doing the couch to 5K. I seriously doubt in my current shape (round, LOL) that I could do this program in nine weeks but I bet if I did each week in two or three weeks instead of one, that I might be able to do it. I bought some pretty schweet New Balance running shoes and I've got my handy-dandy iPod so I cannot wait to try!
Oh, and I woke up feeling like crud again today but my cough seems to be getting better so that's good. Working out definitely made me feel 100% better.
And before I forget, Matt is going to start taking progress pictures for me in my sports bra and spandex shorts (you know - like on The Biggest Loser) so we can document my progress. I don't think I'll post them here (for the time being) but when I am able to drop another 15-20 lbs., I may consider it.
Lastly (gosh I'm A.D.D. today!), I didn't forget about my clothing pictures. I just haven't got around to taking them yet. I promise I will though...just don't know if it will be today since I have some more homework to do.
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