I feel so many emotions as I'm purging these clothes.
Disbelief - I cannot believe that some of these clothes are a size 3x?! Either I was in serious denial about my massive size or I just didn't care. Maybe both?
Anxiety - What if I fail again and don't have these to fall back on? What if this is premature?
Disappointment - I tried some of them on to make sure they were too big and some of them weren't as big on me as I had hoped.
Shame - Why/how did I let myself get to a size 24W? How did my husband, children, and friends let themselves be seen with me in public?
Memories:
Summer 2007 - I almost had to get off of a ride at Cedar Point because the seat belt wouldn't buckle until a ride attendant came and squished it together. You would have thought that would have been a low enough point that I would have been ready for a change but nope...it took me a year after that and I'm still a work in progress.
Shopping with mom last summer for my uncle's funeral - I had hardly any summer clothes that I could fit so I had to buy a few outfits before we left. One of the hardest things I've ever done is to have to admit to her what size I was then so she could help me look for clothes. Especially since she probably weights 115 soak and wet and is a size 4 or 6.
Vacation with the boys and my little sister - did I really let myself be seen in public in a bathing suit? Why didn't my little sister say anything to me about how horrendous I looked?
Winter sweaters - the bigger, the better to hide my massive fat rolls with.
I wasn't as happy or excited as I thought I would be. It's kind of surreal.
I think this is the right decision though. It will help keep me on track because when/if my clothes start getting a little snug, I won't have my 'safety net' to fall back on.
And just as a reminder to myself, here are a couple pictures of me at my biggest size:
May 31, 2006 - The day Collin was born - 271 lbs.
February 2008 - SIL's baby shower - approx. 245 -250 lbs.
February 2008 - My dad's 3rd wedding - I was so pissed off about him re-marrying and duping me into being in the wedding that I just ate, and ate, and ate until I didn't care what I ate (or looked like) anymore. In a sick and twisted way, I sort of wanted to look bad for his wedding and make him pay for hurting me and my siblings.
August 2008 - Myrtle Beach - approx. 252 lbs.
Disgusting. NEVER AGAIN.
4 comments:
Does this mean I have to post my underwear pics? :p
Ha, ha! You show me yours and I'll show you mine... ;)
I am the same way now. I have gained quite a bit of weight back and I am really pissed with myself and can’t believe how tight some of the clothes are that were lose last summer.
As for anxiety – I read somewhere that getting rid of the ‘fat’ clothes is a way to help yourself from failing. You do not have them to fall back on. It’s a good thing.
Don’t be disappointed. At least they are big – doesn’t mater how much.
Just FYI, told my mom about your weight loss and she said ‘I can’t believe she had that much to lose.’ We agreed you carry your weight well and did not look as big as your clothing size may have said you did.
Throw those bad memories out with the clothes, hun.
This was not ADD here –lol. I was making comments in Word so I could comment on all this and paste it here, so choppy not ADD this time.
You have lost so much weight. I can tell from the pics. I don't really focus on what you look like when I do get to see you, but seeing these pictures really made me 'see' how much you have accomplished. :)
I'm sorry, hon. Been there, done that. Remember the holidays for me? Absolutely horrible...all out pig out. :(
That's that I was thinking (about purging the clothes). You know how frugal I can be and so I'm not going to want to buy bigger clothes again. I think these pictures and the horrific ones I took yesterday are enough to keep things in perspective for me. You'll see what I'm talking about when I get around to putting them up 15-20 lbs. from now.
Oh, I know. Anyone who knows me and finds out my weight is completely shocked and they don't believe me. Not many people I personally know actually know my weight because it's embarassing. I don't mind Marge knowing though because I <3 her and she knows the ups and downs I've went through with my weight. Plus, she's like my 3rd mom. ;)
I'm going to take this off private one day. And when I do...the comparison pictures are going up. Yes, it's embarassing and I am ashamed but if it helps someone else with their weight loss journey, then it's all worth it to me. I just want to prove that one can lose weight, without completely depriving themselves and working out until they drop. If I can do it with my schedule, then anyone can. Know what I mean?
Thank you for all the positive comments (and your support). It mean a lot.
I love you, girl. I mean that. (in the most non-cherry chapstick wearing kind of way)
We are going to make it to our goal one day! We should plan a trip to see Joe in Florida when we do...that way we can strut our hotness on the beach down there for all to see. :) :) :)
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