I'm a wreck.

Yep...that's the conclusion I've came to (or is that come to? I dunno?)

So I saw my therapist today. I think I'm going to like her. She actually used 'dude' when we were talking. Anyone who knows me knows that I say 'dude' all the time. One point for Abby (my therapist). What a great name too?! Kind of like 'Dear Abby'. :)

Anywho, it's been so long since I've allowed myself to feel much. My life is so busy that I'm on auto-pilot most of the time and today I actually cried while talking to her. I didn't think I had it in me but, yep...I cried.

I hate crying. It's not that I feel weak or anything (because lord knows I've cried enough over my lifetime and it's a good release), I just don't like to since I feel like I don't have time to wallow in self-pity. And let's face it, it hasn't gotten some people I know very far in their life and I refuse to be that person who no one wants to be around because they just bitch and moan about their life but won't do anything about it.

We decided to focus on these issues right now and in this order: 1) my obesity / poor eating / exercise habits, 2) my dad, and 3) my sexual abuse (which #3 kind of goes hand in hand with #2 since I'm angry at my Dad since his poor decision is why it happened in the first place AND why the pervert was never brought to justice).

Here are some other things we touched on:

- the fact that I'm surrounded by people with mental illnesses...yay me!
- my parent's divorce at age 6
- my dad and step-mom's divorce after 19 years of marriage
- dad's 'alternative' life style
- my concerns for my siblings' well-being
- me not having much of a childhood
- my awesome husband and how I'm soooo blessed to have found someone as great as him!
- my hobbies: social networking (i.e. MySpace, Facebook, & BabyCenter), happy hour with my friends, and reading (wow...I'm so exciting! Or am I just a sad person? I haven't decided)

I didn't see my psychiatrist today. I don't see him for another three weeks or so. I think therapy is going to help though since I'm more interested in learning how to cope with the aforementioned and to get a handle on my emotional eating for good.

I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

For the record, I am uncomfortable blogging about the fact that I need a therapist and a psychiatrist to get 'better' and heal my past and I am also aware that it might make some of you uncomfortable reading this. However, I know I have some regular followers (and not so regulars) and if putting myself out there helps just one person, then I'm glad I made myself and you uncomfortable. :)