Friday, January 30, 2009

I actually cried over...

A frigging piece of birthday cake!

We celebrated my Grandma's 84th birthday tonight and there was probably one of the biggest cakes I've ever seen there. It was half chocolate, half white with more pink icing roses than you could count. I wanted a piece soooo badly! I circled the damn thing probably a dozen times but I controlled myself and didn't have a piece.

I felt deprived. I'm not going to lie. I seriously cried a little on the way home. Not necessarily because of the cake but because I know this is a lifestyle change and that I'll never be able to enjoy little things like that, like a 'normal' person would (normal = eating healthy, reasonable foods, or eating 'bad' foods in moderation). At least it feels that way right now...maybe not so much eventually. (you give me hope with that, Becky)

If this party would have been yesterday, I would have been fine but I'm taking things especially hard today. I'm starving now, which doesn't help. I think I may have a little bowl of cereal...

3 comments:

InWeighOverMyHead said...

You are so awesome for hanging in there. I would have binges all night if I felt deprived.

Becky said...

(((((Jess))))) I know it is so, so hard to be in those situations. You did great!!! I am very proud of you. In the beginning, it seems so hopeless and frustrating. I'm not going to promise it will get better, because everyone is different, but I really believe that if I can do it, you can do it.

Jess said...

Thanks, ladies.

I did end up having a bowl of cereal last night because I was starving so yesterday was a higher carb day. Today is too but I'm proud to report that at lunch, I only ate half of my food because I wasn't hungry half-way through eating it. I'm just working more now on listening to my stomach tell me when it is no longer hungry instead of my mouth.