I went off plan the past two days and just ate without a care in the world. I am very disappointed in myself and wonder if I'll ever get myself out of this rut. I keep telling myself if I can get down past 218 lbs that I can do this (since that's the lowest weight I've been in years). Well...if I keep eating whatever the hell I want to, that isn't going to happen.
Honestly, a small part of me is hoping that my weight problem is due largely in part to a thyroid issue so I can get some magic pill to help me lose weight. But at the same time, I'm also terrified that it isn't and that my metabolism and will power are just non-existent.
Something I've also been contemplating is just not dieting altogether. I mean, I know what to eat and reasonably sized portions. I also know how to listen to my body and I know the difference between true hunger and mouth hunger. Anyway...I am in the middle of reading a wonderful book called Women, Food, & God and it is seriously one of the most amazing books I've ever read. She helps women examine their relationship with food and why it is they overeat or eat compulsively. She thinks that women do the aforementioned because they are lacking something in their lives and that they subconsciously punish themselves for silly things. I know that I am lacking something and that I'm not "feeling" like I should. I'm not necessarily convinced that it's God I need but I certainly could work on my relationships with my husband and children. I've often thought that maybe another child would help fill a void but before I make a final decision on that, I really need to focus on my family now and to "fix" myself...
2 comments:
When are you getting your thyroid checked?
I see the Endocrinologist on Tuesday. I already had my blood tests done a couple weeks ago so she'll go over those with me then. Given my extensive family history, I'm hoping that will explain part of my weight problem and that there is some help on the way. I'll definitely post an update on Tuesday night.
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