to 227. *Sigh* One of these days I'll figure out what the hell I'm doing so I can consistently lose weight and feel better.
My biggest flaw is a personal one. My husband will vouch for that. I tend to have these big dreams/aspirations about things (i.e. scrap booking, helping babysit for a close friend, starting a new workout program or "diet") and then when it's time to do it, I just don't...because I'm one of those people who bite off more than they can chew. I almost never tell anyone no and that my friends, makes me a good friend, but not so much a good mom or wife.
So to those of you that I've let down or hurt, I'm really, really sorry. My biggest obstacle with getting completely on track is my lifestyle. I am really busy, but I'm a huge time waster (Matt will vouch for that too). I get into these vicious cycles that I can't get out of. For instance, I mentioned that my schedule changed this week for work. Well...I have not been getting home until 6:30 p.m. and I leave at 6:30 a.m. (or so) for work - that's 12 hours per day that I'm gone for work 4 days per week. By the time I get home, I'm mentally and even physically drained from the long day and pretty much don't feel like doing anything other than mindless things (i.e. blogging or cruising my favorite internet sites). The mindless things keep me up until midnight, which leaves me tired as hell. I have got to break this cycle!!! I barely did any housework and I definitely was no mom of the week. I suck at balancing things; it's like I'm hardwired to only be able to handle a few things at a time before I just start ignoring things (my e-mail, my blog, my friends...sometimes). Sad.
I have been wanting to get healthy for a long time. I was actually going to put it off until I got out of school but I just got tired of how I felt and how I looked. So...I'm just going to keep plugging along and if I don't lose this weight for another 5 years (depressing!) then so be it. I'm going to start focusing on not binging anymore, making better food choices, and getting in physical activity when I can...which seems to only be during my lunch hour at work since I don't feel like working out by the time I get home and I am not an early riser. Plus, it seems that when I focus on getting my workouts in at night, my poor house just falls to the wayside...which goes back to the whole "I really suck at balancing things" deal.
I'm also sorry that I can be so damn wishy-washy. I wish I could just pick something and stick with it. For instance, I can tell you that I was honestly happier all last month when I was just eating reasonably healthy and not doing low-carb. I think the bigger reason why I'm back to doing it is because of our upcoming trip. I really, really want to be a little thinner than when I went 5 years ago. I just want to look/feel sexy in the pictures that I'm sure are going to be taken....know what I mean.
I imagine that once we get back from vacation that we may go on Weight Watchers. Matt only has about 20-25 more lbs. to lose until he gets to his goal weight and the closer he gets, the less Nazi-like he is about low-carbing. It seems like when I was on WW that I was consistently losing between 1-4 lbs. every week. There was a variety of food choices and I felt really good about myself when I was on their program.
Who knows though??? I'm sure I'll probably change my mind before then because that's just how I roll. :oP
7 comments:
Wow! I could have written this post word for word! I too have big "ideas" that often are to big for reality and I am left feeling dissapointed. Congrats on your loss of over 4 lbs!
I'm glad I'm not the only one! :) Thanks!
WOOT! That's a good loss, and a great motivator as you get yourself back on track.
You don't need to apologize to anyone. The only person that matters in this is YOU. If something doesn't feel right to you, you don't have to explain or rationalize or any of that to anyone. This stuff is hard and there's a lot of trial and error. You do the best you can with what you have. If you "fail" then you just learn from it and move on - you really only truly fail when you don't learn from it. And I have never seen you not learn something from your experiences.
Thanks, Becky. I know. I am the type of person who always feels like I need to explain myself...especially since there is a lot of trial and error with this. Plus, I feel like (especially since I took my blog off private) I should explain a little. I know/realize that I am "yo-yo" dieting right now and that it's not healthy but I'm desperate. I just feel like that although I've been able to lose about 30 lbs. over the past year and "keep it off" (for the most part) that I'm still HUGE. If you can't tell, I'm having some major body image issues right now. Before, I was completely in denial and had no clue how fat I was. Now I'm not in denial and despite the 30 lbs. weight loss, I feel fatter now than I did at 256 lbs. :( As much as I don't like the feeling, it's been a blessing in disguise because it's keeping me motivated. This is by far the longest I've ever went with a weight loss / fitness stint and I'm trying really hard to make it a lifestyle change...trying being the key word there. :oP
I understand that. I also recognize that you should be VERY proud of yourself for not giving up. You've lost 30 pounds and kept it off, and even with small setbacks, you are STILL in this. Most people would have given up, but you definitely have the willpower - I see it in you time and again. It IS discouraging to progress slowly, but you ARE making progress, and you're more likely to keep the weight off if you go slowly.
Yep...I was most people the last 3 or 4 times I've "tried" this; I use that term loosely since I would try for a month or two at a time and then give up when I didn't see instant results. I've learned a lot over the years and I'm trying to apply that to my life. I'm definitely a work in progress...
Thanks regardless. Muah! :)
I have not seen you give up. That doesn't put you in the "most people" category - it puts you in with the people who are going to succeed.
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