Saturday, August 30, 2008

Finally! Myrtle Beach pics

Happy Birthday, my love!

So today good eating was out the window too! Boo to that! (I will note that all I had to eat was a bagel w/cream cheese, a chef-type salad, chicken teryaki stir-fry and a piece of the below; not too bad just not low-carb).

I decided since Matt had such a crappy birthday yesterday that I was going to make him a completely homemade cake. I used a recipe I found through one of my BabyCenter buddy's blogs (thanks Mary Jane!) and it was seriously one of THE BEST cakes I've ever had! I found my own cream cheese icing recipe and modified it a little since the icing turned out tacky and sticky but here is the finished product:



Matt & the boys enjoyed it a lot and it was quite tasty. Now I've just got to figure out what to do with the rest of the damn cake...

Friday, August 29, 2008

The good and the bad

The bad news is that I've totally gone overboard with my eating today, so I'm going to TRY to get back on track tomorrow. I hate holidays as far as eating healthy goes...it's so hard to!

The good news is that I have logged in over 3 hours of exercising this week on the Wii Fit! I can't tell you the last time I've done that much exercising in one week...insanity! (in a good way)

I'm not going to beat myself up too much about eating naughtily today. After all, I'm just trying to lose the weight slowly (1.5 lbs. per week) and I know from my Weight Watchers days of dieting (with a little cheating here and there) and exercising works out well for me (when done in combination). There were many days back then that I'd cheat a day or two (go over my weekly flex points even) and I'd still amazingly lose weight. Now if I do that when I'm not working out, I don't lose any weight and tend to gain a few pounds.

By no means will this become a regular thing but I'm choosing to count tomorrow as a brand new day...

Oh, and...happy 31st birthday to my wonderful husband!

Sunday, August 24, 2008

My husband is THE best!

He surprised the heck out of me yesterday and bought a Wii Fit. I didn't really have any feeling about it one way or the other until I got on the thing and 'played' with it today.

WOWZA!

First of all, my Wii Fit age is 48 (edit - we re-calibrated the Wii Fit by putting the feet on it). Eek! Gotta work on that. There are 4 different things you can do on it: Yoga, Strength Training, Aerobic, & Balance Exercises. I worked out using the Aerobic exercises. OMG! It was FUN and boy did it burn in places I haven't felt burning in a long time! I was pleasantly surprised. We weren't sure if we were going to keep it or not but I think we've decided to keep it. My first weight loss goal is 10 lbs. in the next month so wish me luck! I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

So much for my girls night out...

I'm really bummed right now. I coordinated a Girls Night Out for tonight. I started coordinating this like seriously a month ago. Everyone was psyched to go, said they'd go, yadda, yadda, yadda. Well...here it is and it's a no go. Someone is sick, others are broke, and others are stranded without childcare.

I was REALLY looking forward to tonight. Oh, well.

That'll be the last one of those that I plan for awhile.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Boys

I think that I am finally at peace with having all boys.


As soon as I found out I was pregnant with Adrian, I just *knew* I was having a boy...and that was exactly how I wanted it. I was the oldest and was picked on a bit during school and I remember always thinking that if I had a big brother that no one would ever have picked on me. Silly reason, I know, for wanting a boy first but it was my honest reason.


When I found out that I was having another boy (Collin) during my last pregnancy, I was devastated. I sobbed and cried and moped around, depressed, for like three days afterwards. A lot of that had to do with the fact that Matt & I weren't sure if we were having another baby or not and so the finality of it and never having a little girl to play dress-up with or do our hair/make-up together was just too much for me.


Today, we still are not 100% sure that we are having another child but I would say we are 90% certain that we are. I have a strong feeling that it will be another boy and I'm completely fine with that now.


My sons bring me so much joy; more joy than I ever thought a child could bring me. Adrian is so forgiving and loving; he knows that I am flawed through and through but yet he accepts me and knows that I do my best. He always cheers me up when I am down. As for Collin, he's pretty loving too; my heart melted the first time (and every time thereafter) he said, "I lub you, momma." He never shys away from giving me the endless hugs and kisses that I crave and I have never seen a kid SO happy all the time!


I also look at my brothers when I think about having sons. My heart bursts with so much pride at the men they are becoming. J.D. (or Julian) has a long way to go but he has started exploring his Native American roots/spirituality and I have noticed a positive change in him. Dane is hilarious and never lets anything get him down (or if it does, he never shows it). Dahkota has a very long way to go but that kid will do anything you ask him to do (and even if you don't ask him). There have been numerous times that he has visited me and cleaned my house because I couldn't (due to intractable back pain during pregnancy or just being too busy to clean when I was in school). They are also the most sensitive men I know. Not one of them will hesitate to cry if something moves them to or to be there for you when you need someone.


These are the types of young men that I see my sons turning out to be and it pleases me immensely.


Plus, on a funny note, I don't think a daughter would be able to handle my non-stop scatological humor, and her sports events wouldn't be as much fun to root for. :oP


Sunday, August 17, 2008

Back from Myrtle

I am SO sorry that I didn't get to post more. We really weren't THAT busy but I was really enjoying spending time with Matt and the kiddos (and of course my lil sis DeeDee).

We didn't do as many excursions as I had hoped to do but I was fine with that because the boys preferred swimming in the ocean and in the hotel pool over going out and doing things.

I do feel like a complete cow now that I'm back home. We ate out too many times to count and I cannot wait to get back to low carbing it. My goal is to start back to healthy eating tomorrow and starting light exercise this week. My BFF, Heather, completely amazes me because she has been working out religiously for a few months now and she is doing so well at it. Of course she is probably 50+ pounds less than me so I'm sure that helps her in her quest for fitness. Unfortunately, since I have had a variety of injuries (tennis elbow and a mean left knee injury from running a couple of years ago), I have to start slowly. But that is the goal this week. She's really digging stepping and I think once I get back into the swing of things, I may dust off 'The Firm' and get started with that again but we'll see. I have major issues with working out in front of people, including my husband and the boys, but I've really got to get over that if I want to get this weight off. *Sigh*

Back to vacation...it was heaven! We took the kids swimming every day, went to Broadway at the Beach, went to the SC Children's Museum, and Putt-putting; that was it for the excursions with the kids. Matt & I got to have some adult fun a couple of nights and so that was REALLY nice! *evil grin* The boys behaved very well for the most part and it was definitely a good idea to bring DeeDee along. She helped out a ton with the boys and it was nice to have some female vibes up in the mix. LOL!

As for this week, I've got some major 'spring-cleaning' type stuff to do since I'm out of school for the next month. We're also having a girls night out next Saturday and my friend Sara is coming over to visit so I've got a TON of stuff to do around the house prior to then to get it in order. Thankfully, I don't have to go back to work until Wednesday and so I've got some time to work on that...

Once we figure out how to get vacation pics uploaded from my SIL's camera (we had to borrow hers since ours is still out of commission), I'll upload a few of my fave vacation pics...

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Quick update from Myrtle Beach

We got here safe and sound and in one piece! Yay!

We didn't do much yesterday because Matt & I were running on like 3 hours of sleep from the night before so we all went to bed at seriously 9:00 last night. We've been to the ocean twice, pool twice, and then today we went to Broadway at the beach, Johnny Rockets, & Hooters.

Hooters was a friggin blast! Adrian hated it; he thinks boobs are gross and was under the impression that's ALL the restaurant was about and plus he was on sensory overload with the loud music. Collin fell asleep and slept about 3/4 of the meal but we did manage to get two really great pics: 1) He was passed out on the table and so we got a pic of him behind my margarita and Matt's big Hooter's mug o' beer (I'll post the pics later...hilariousness!) and 2) after he woke up, we were able to get a picture of him with our waitress.

We also went to a long pier earlier in the day. Collin absolutely melted my heart because as soon as we got to the end of the pier he yelled out "I love you fishies!" totally unprompted! I love that kid! :o)

We haven't really decided what else we're doing but I'll update you again before I leave. I can't wait to share pics!

Saturday, August 9, 2008

I CANNOT BELIEVE I forgot...

Our effing trip tics from AAA for our vacation! I totally went in on Tuesday and renewed my membership and ordered them; left work early and all! I was supposed to pick them up by noon today and I didn't even give it a thought until like 1:30 this afternoon.

The good news is that there is a AAA office down in Myrtle Beach and so we can get a trip tic for the return and tour books but that doesn't help me out now! Urgh!

Thankfully, Matt is not upset with me. He understands how crazy my life has been the past week. I <3 him!

I'm *almost* done with my schoolwork for the quarter...only one more quiz and that's it until over a month from now. Yay!!!

Back to that...

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

A small accomplishment...

Check it out peeps:

I'm such a nerd! :oP

Monday, August 4, 2008

Ever felt so tired you could die?

Well...that's how I feel tonight! It SUCKS!

I mean...I can't even effing think right now! This fatigue is NOT conducive to getting my school work done tonight so I just did the easy stuff.

Collin decided that he wanted to wake up at 3:00 this morning and then stay up for the next two hours as I tried to sleep and he tried to sneak off to play.

Kids. *sigh*

On a lighter, happier note...I've managed to lose 7.2 lbs. in the last two weeks of low-carbing. Yay! I'm not doing true Induction right now and I'm not exercising yet and so I'm totally cool with that. A loss is a loss, right???

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Old Survey

Since I haven't really put a whole lot of info about me on here (for those of you who don't know me that well), here is a copy and paste job (updated a little) from my MySpace page:

"About Me Remix"
1. Name: Jessica
2. Birthday: July 15, 1979
3. Birthplace: Honolulu, Hawaii
4. Eye Color: Brown
5. Hair Color: Dark Brown
6. Height: 5'5"
7. Ethnicity: Native American / Caucasian
8. Weakness: anything with sugar
9. Most missed memory: my childhood in the summer
10. Thoughts first waking up: Oh, shit?! I hope I get to work on time!
11. Last time you cried: A couple of weeks ago; this school thing has really put a strain on my relationship with Matt, but we'll muddle through it.
12. Song title that currently says how you feel: Good Life
13. What is the perfect day for you: Spending time with my boys...doing anything...as long as I get to spend time with them.
14. Ever been asked for an autograph? Heck, no!
15. How do you vent anger? I tend to kind of growl or vent things under my breath...or just take it out on my husband
16. Who do you talk to most on the phone? My mommy :o)
17. As a kid, were you a lego builder? Uhh, no.
18. Do you chew on your straws? sometimes
19. Do you sing in the shower? sometimes
20. Who's the last person you stayed up late talking to on the phone? Naomi - two nights ago
21. The last place you went to in a plane? New Mexico
22. Do you cry at weddings? Um, no, but never say never. Never been to one that's moved me that much other than my own.
23. Are you afraid of the dark? No
24. What are you addicted to? Starbucks!
25. Crunchy or creamy peanut butter? Creamy
26. Who do you fight with the most? Probably, Matt. Dad is a close second although it's been pretty calm lately.
27. Who can you tell anything to? Heather, Tracy, AND Amy - my girls!
28. Who can't you get enough of? My husband
29. Who makes you laugh the most? My brother, J.D...whenever he's around it's non-stop insanity but I love it!
30. What is the worst feeling ever? When someone you know and love dies.
31. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2-3
32. How many rings before you answer your phone? Don't keep track...I answer it when I get to it.
33. How many times do you press the "snooze" button? Too many!
34. How do you sleep? On your side? stomach? back? On my side with my arm tucked under my pillow, either being held by or holding my husband
35. Last time you laughed: Today
36. ever looked at someone ugly and said "EWWW"? *cringes* Yes
37. What is your favorite color? Red
38. What is your favorite state? OH-IO

The Ohio Grassman

Yeah...this is based on a true story. I already touched on this in my MySpace blog but this is much more clean-cut and easier to understand. Plus it's yet another school paper that I wanted to share. I'm really diggin' this writing thing...


The Most Frightening Night of My Life

About ten years ago, I had one of the most terrifying experiences in my life. I was about seventeen years old at the time; my parents were out of town and it was a perfect opportunity to have some friends over. We talked, watched movies, and did all of the normal things that teenagers did and then about two o’clock in the morning, I sent everyone home but my friend Lori from work.

For whatever reason, I had forgotten to check the mail and I decided that I should retrieve that prior to turning in for the night.

“I’ll be right back, Lori.”

“Okay – I’ll wait for you,” Lori said.

I walked out to the end of the driveway and opened the mailbox and grabbed the mail. All of the sudden I heard something run across the field towards my house and me. Then it let out a horrific scream; a loud, screeching “Heeeeeyyyyyyaaaaahhhhhhh,” as if it were warning me to stay away or else.

Clutching the mail, I ran as fast as I could back up to the house and slammed and locked the door. By this time Lori had seen and heard all of the commotion and was just as panicked as I was.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” was all we could both say, over and over again.

I grabbed the nearest butcher knife and we hurried into my parents’ bedroom and locked the door. All we could see outside of the window was a very tall, shadowy figure; not human-like at all but very tangible. We held onto each other and cried as the thing tried to get into the house. It finally gave up and left after what seemed like an eternity but in reality was probably closer to just a few minutes.

We phoned a friend immediately after the incident and he came over to check around outside to make sure that our visitor had left. He never did find anything to substantiate what had happened to us that night.

What I learned from this experience is that we are not alone and not everything can be explained away easily by logic and science. I hope that no one has to experience the sheer terror that we did on that terrible night.


So...whattaya think? Did I scare you??? Broo ha ha!


BTW...here is a link to what I heard that night (fast forward about 45 seconds...thanks for the link, Sara!):



Are ya scared now??? *sinister laugh*

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Open mouth, insert foot!

You will learn very quickly that I am an idiot. I am not your average, run o' the mill person. I am one of those obnoxious, embarrassing people who like to say the first thing that comes to their mind. It's not always pretty.

Case and point tonight. We were checking out at Walmart (I've semi-ended my boycott, BTW...they have a few things there that I can't find elsewhere) and Collin (my 2-year old) decided that he wanted to start pushing buttons on the ATM/Debit card machine. He accidentally pushed the 'Spanish' button. I looked over and I was a little disoriented and confused and so I looked at him and said "Collin! Why'd you do that? We're not Mexican! We don't speak Spanish!" (BTW...I frequently have one-sided conversations with him at the grocery...helps me keep my sanity with all the WT Walmart shoppers I encounter) Anywho...the cashier and the bagger just stare at me and give me a nervous laugh. My husband looks at me with this "You've got to be fucking kidding me" look like "I can't believe you just said that!" I quickly apologize and say "I am so sorry! I did NOT mean that in a derogatory way." At that point I was just digging so I gave up with a nervous chuckle and high-tailed it out of there as soon as I could.

If anyone has any self-help books they can loan me on "How not to look like an ass in front of people," I sure could use them.

Friday, August 1, 2008

My sister...

Warning: this may be long, rambling, and have no semblance of organization. I'm writing in the raw and not paying much attention to all that stuff right now.

I'm so glad that I started this. It will be a nice outlet for problems like this.

Let me preface this by saying, my sister is a crack addict. I want to cry just looking at that sentence.

Naomi is 15 months younger than me. You won't hear me speak of her very often because it is too painful for me to talk about her. I worry about her often. Every time I hear the phone ring in the middle of the night my heart quivers because I don't know who it's going to be on the other end. My biggest fear is that it is going to be a police officer saying that she's gone.

Ever since I can remember, Naomi was different than the rest of us. She acted out a lot and just did the strangest things sometimes. She was always very sexual...even at a very, very young age. There are family rumors that she & I were sexually abused by an uncle at a very young age, so I suppose that might explain her erratic behavior.

I feel so bad for her experience growing up. She was always the chubby, unattractive, weird sister. However, she was very outgoing; that was something I was always jealous of because I am so painfully shy sometimes. Our parents would constantly say things like, "Why can't you be like your sister?" "Why can't you get good grades like Jessica?" "Why can't you behave like your her?" I think a little part of her died each time she heard that. I can't imagine how that would feel; to feel like you just aren't good enough.

Our parents divorced when I was six years old and they were never really married anyway, if the truth be known. Mom was too involved in her relationship with alcohol (at the time - she's been sober for probably 15 years now) and Dad was too wrapped up in being the life of the party and smoking pot 24-7. They would throw the wildest parties at our house. Every weekend there were numerous people in and out of the house.

Anywho...back to the post at hand. I imagine that a lot of Naomi's problems stem from our tumultuous childhood. However, I also think that she is seriously mentally ill. As I stated before, she's never been 'normal'. She has always behaved inappropriately and said very inappropriate things at the worst possible times.

She bounced back and forth between Mom & Dad after the divorce (we were placed with Dad after the divorce BTW). Dad just didn't know how to deal with her so he just didn't. I mean, she'd get punished but he'd never try to get to the root of the problem. Mom's way of dealing with her was just giving her whatever she wanted since we were so poor living with Dad and she had the money after the divorce to do that. She began to run away at age 11 and ran away more times than I could count. That's when social services stepped in and decided to place her in a foster home. Big mistake...that made her so much worse, in my opinion.

She ran away one time when she was 15. She was only gone for a couple of days but when she called us to pick her up, it was from the hospital. She wanted to come home because she had been gang raped and beat up by the men who did it. Two months later or so, we found out she was pregnant. I can't imagine what that did to her inside. Our family doesn't believe in abortion (neither did she at the time) and so she decided to keep the baby. She actually ran away again during the pregnancy and was gone her whole second trimester doing God only knows and returned to us about two months before the baby was born.

Gabrielle Faith, the baby, was born on January 6, 1997. She was the most beautiful little girl I have ever laid eyes upon. Naomi's living at home was not to last though. She never really bonded much with her, if you want me to be honest. When the going got tough when Gabby was about six weeks old, Naomi got going.

Ever since that time, my sister has been addicted to crack. She has done unimaginable, horrific things to support her habit. I can't imagine the depravity she has seen in her life. She has numerous pregnancies, miscarriages, and abortions during her time on the street. I've seen her near death at 80 lbs. She's lost almost all of her teeth. Her face is now pockmarked and gone is the healthy glow from years ago and her beautiful wavy brown hair.

We see her maybe once a year if we're lucky. We hear from her maybe a handful of times normally. However, we have started to hear from her more regularly over the last year since she managed to get herself into some legal trouble. One of her crackhead boyfriends 'gave' her a new car. She found out after she got pulled over by the police that it was a 'gift' from a nearby car lot. She's now got felony charges (not sure for what exactly) but the state has cut her a deal. As long as she stays clean, she's free.

So...she calls me tonight. She was sobbing hysterically telling me that she didn't know what she was going to do. Her elderly man friend had kicked her out because she won't have sex with him anymore. What should she do? She can't come here. I've been there and done that and I've got enough on my plate and I can't give her the help/support that she needs. She says that she knows that...she just needed to hear my voice.

I have been talking to her the most I have in years over the last month. She is honestly the best I have heard her in a long time. She got her G.E.D. when she was in jail. She's got not one but two jobs but can't start them since she doesn't have her birth certificate right now. She's got an appointment for Monday with the local community college to start school so she can get a degree to help better herself. She's been clean and sober for nearly a month now.

Now I fear it's about to go down the tubes. She called all of the homeless shelters and they are full. She has no where to go and so she turned to her other daughter's father. He is going to see if his wife will let her sleep in the garage or in the bed of his pickup truck.

I feel so helpless. She's finally getting the help that she needs and is helping herself, more importantly. It's so close she can taste it. But now she's homeless and on the verge of giving up. My heart is aching for the sister that I know is still inside of her. If she can just get the right MENTAL help, I know that she'd be so much better.

It's a vicious cycle. And I have to sit by helplessly and watch her struggle.

I don't ask people to pray much, but if you are reading this and you believe in the power of prayer, please say one for her and I'll try to keep you updated.



Here she is, BTW with her daughters Gabrielle & Myiah: