I'm so glad that I started this. It will be a nice outlet for problems like this.
Let me preface this by saying, my sister is a crack addict. I want to cry just looking at that sentence.
Naomi is 15 months younger than me. You won't hear me speak of her very often because it is too painful for me to talk about her. I worry about her often. Every time I hear the phone ring in the middle of the night my heart quivers because I don't know who it's going to be on the other end. My biggest fear is that it is going to be a police officer saying that she's gone.
Ever since I can remember, Naomi was different than the rest of us. She acted out a lot and just did the strangest things sometimes. She was always very sexual...even at a very, very young age. There are family rumors that she & I were sexually abused by an uncle at a very young age, so I suppose that might explain her erratic behavior.
I feel so bad for her experience growing up. She was always the chubby, unattractive, weird sister. However, she was very outgoing; that was something I was always jealous of because I am so painfully shy sometimes. Our parents would constantly say things like, "Why can't you be like your sister?" "Why can't you get good grades like Jessica?" "Why can't you behave like your her?" I think a little part of her died each time she heard that. I can't imagine how that would feel; to feel like you just aren't good enough.
Our parents divorced when I was six years old and they were never really married anyway, if the truth be known. Mom was too involved in her relationship with alcohol (at the time - she's been sober for probably 15 years now) and Dad was too wrapped up in being the life of the party and smoking pot 24-7. They would throw the wildest parties at our house. Every weekend there were numerous people in and out of the house.
Anywho...back to the post at hand. I imagine that a lot of Naomi's problems stem from our tumultuous childhood. However, I also think that she is seriously mentally ill. As I stated before, she's never been 'normal'. She has always behaved inappropriately and said very inappropriate things at the worst possible times.
She bounced back and forth between Mom & Dad after the divorce (we were placed with Dad after the divorce BTW). Dad just didn't know how to deal with her so he just didn't. I mean, she'd get punished but he'd never try to get to the root of the problem. Mom's way of dealing with her was just giving her whatever she wanted since we were so poor living with Dad and she had the money after the divorce to do that. She began to run away at age 11 and ran away more times than I could count. That's when social services stepped in and decided to place her in a foster home. Big mistake...that made her so much worse, in my opinion.
She ran away one time when she was 15. She was only gone for a couple of days but when she called us to pick her up, it was from the hospital. She wanted to come home because she had been gang raped and beat up by the men who did it. Two months later or so, we found out she was pregnant. I can't imagine what that did to her inside. Our family doesn't believe in abortion (neither did she at the time) and so she decided to keep the baby. She actually ran away again during the pregnancy and was gone her whole second trimester doing God only knows and returned to us about two months before the baby was born.
Gabrielle Faith, the baby, was born on January 6, 1997. She was the most beautiful little girl I have ever laid eyes upon. Naomi's living at home was not to last though. She never really bonded much with her, if you want me to be honest. When the going got tough when Gabby was about six weeks old, Naomi got going.
Ever since that time, my sister has been addicted to crack. She has done unimaginable, horrific things to support her habit. I can't imagine the depravity she has seen in her life. She has numerous pregnancies, miscarriages, and abortions during her time on the street. I've seen her near death at 80 lbs. She's lost almost all of her teeth. Her face is now pockmarked and gone is the healthy glow from years ago and her beautiful wavy brown hair.
We see her maybe once a year if we're lucky. We hear from her maybe a handful of times normally. However, we have started to hear from her more regularly over the last year since she managed to get herself into some legal trouble. One of her crackhead boyfriends 'gave' her a new car. She found out after she got pulled over by the police that it was a 'gift' from a nearby car lot. She's now got felony charges (not sure for what exactly) but the state has cut her a deal. As long as she stays clean, she's free.
So...she calls me tonight. She was sobbing hysterically telling me that she didn't know what she was going to do. Her elderly man friend had kicked her out because she won't have sex with him anymore. What should she do? She can't come here. I've been there and done that and I've got enough on my plate and I can't give her the help/support that she needs. She says that she knows that...she just needed to hear my voice.
I have been talking to her the most I have in years over the last month. She is honestly the best I have heard her in a long time. She got her G.E.D. when she was in jail. She's got not one but two jobs but can't start them since she doesn't have her birth certificate right now. She's got an appointment for Monday with the local community college to start school so she can get a degree to help better herself. She's been clean and sober for nearly a month now.
Now I fear it's about to go down the tubes. She called all of the homeless shelters and they are full. She has no where to go and so she turned to her other daughter's father. He is going to see if his wife will let her sleep in the garage or in the bed of his pickup truck.
I feel so helpless. She's finally getting the help that she needs and is helping herself, more importantly. It's so close she can taste it. But now she's homeless and on the verge of giving up. My heart is aching for the sister that I know is still inside of her. If she can just get the right MENTAL help, I know that she'd be so much better.
It's a vicious cycle. And I have to sit by helplessly and watch her struggle.
I don't ask people to pray much, but if you are reading this and you believe in the power of prayer, please say one for her and I'll try to keep you updated.
Here she is, BTW with her daughters Gabrielle & Myiah:
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