Boys

I think that I am finally at peace with having all boys.

As soon as I found out I was pregnant with Adrian, I just *knew* I was having a boy...and that was exactly how I wanted it. I was the oldest and was picked on a bit during school and I remember always thinking that if I had a big brother that no one would ever have picked on me. Silly reason, I know, for wanting a boy first but it was my honest reason.

When I found out that I was having another boy (Collin) during my last pregnancy, I was devastated. I sobbed and cried and moped around, depressed, for like three days afterwards. A lot of that had to do with the fact that Matt & I weren't sure if we were having another baby or not and so the finality of it and never having a little girl to play dress-up with or do our hair/make-up together was just too much for me.

Today, we still are not 100% sure that we are having another child but I would say we are 90% certain that we are. I have a strong feeling that it will be another boy and I'm completely fine with that now.

My sons bring me so much joy; more joy than I ever thought a child could bring me. Adrian is so forgiving and loving; he knows that I am flawed through and through but yet he accepts me and knows that I do my best. He always cheers me up when I am down. As for Collin, he's pretty loving too; my heart melted the first time (and every time thereafter) he said, "I lub you, momma." He never shys away from giving me the endless hugs and kisses that I crave and I have never seen a kid SO happy all the time!

I also look at my brothers when I think about having sons. My heart bursts with so much pride at the men they are becoming. J.D. (or Julian) has a long way to go but he has started exploring his Native American roots/spirituality and I have noticed a positive change in him. Dane is hilarious and never lets anything get him down (or if it does, he never shows it). Dahkota has a very long way to go but that kid will do anything you ask him to do (and even if you don't ask him). There have been numerous times that he has visited me and cleaned my house because I couldn't (due to intractable back pain during pregnancy or just being too busy to clean when I was in school). They are also the most sensitive men I know. Not one of them will hesitate to cry if something moves them to or to be there for you when you need someone.

These are the types of young men that I see my sons turning out to be and it pleases me immensely.

Plus, on a funny note, I don't think a daughter would be able to handle my non-stop scatological humor, and her sports events wouldn't be as much fun to root for. :oP