Right back to where I started!

I did my official weigh-in today before the 24-day weight loss challenge begins and I am 247.7 lbs.! Grr! This is almost exactly the same weight as when I started about 2 years ago. How depressing?!

I'm not going to let it get me down though. I AM doing this, this time. I have such a great support system now and I am just plain ready. I feel probably the worst I've ever felt in my life. I'm tired 24-7, I get winded easily from simply walking, and I can barely fit any of my clothes, not to mention that I'm still having these damn heart palpitations.

Being overweight has so much more to do with than just lacking willpower. Too much to delve into in this post. I think the biggest thing for me is using food to fill something that I feel that I'm missing...whether that is consciously or subconsciously. What I am starting to realize is that I'm not really missing anything. I have no reason to be unhappy with my life and nor am I. I have a wonderful family, my health is good (for the most part), I have a good job, I have a place to live, and I am not living in poverty. I am very excited to finally get to read Women, Food, & God because I think I will be able to put all of the pieces of the puzzle together.

I used to be a very spiritual person. In fact, when I was a teenager I went to a Christian church every Sunday morning/night and Wednesday night as well as Youth nights on Friday and other church-related activities. There were a culmination of things that caused me to stop going. The main reason was that many of the people I went to church with were hypocrites and automatically thought that a person would go to hell if they didn't look or dress a certain way (they were Pentecostal). I do want to note that not all Pentecostals are this way because they're not but I had some pretty terrible experiences with church-goers and ministers alike so I don't think I will ever go back to that belief system again.

Let me go on record by saying that I do fully believe in God, the Creator (Wakan Tanka), whatever you want to call him or her. I just need to nail down exactly what I believe and I am excited to delve into that a bit more now and definitely more once I graduate from school. I think that I will be more comfortable with the spirituality of my Native American heritage and that is what I will focus on.

I can't remember if I mentioned this before but I will be food journaling to keep me accountable, as well as noting the day's activity/activities while I am doing this challenge. So...look for my first post tomorrow. :)