I seriously don't know WTH is wrong with me?!?!?!

I started Weight Watchers for like 5 days and actually managed to lose 4 lbs. in that time. We went camping last weekend and all eating rules went out the window. We had a concert to go to (TOOL :D) this past Friday and so I put off getting back on track until today which is turning in to tomorrow.

I don't know why I do this to myself. I did soooo good for a long time. I lost 30 lbs. in a year! Now it's all about self-sabotage lately. I haven't worked out in over a month and I feel like shit. I eat complete crap too and so that doesn't help matters any. I have a ton of support but I don't utilize it. Instead I hide out from everyone when I'm in the deep, dark recesses of my binge eating.

My double chin is back. My size 18s are extremely tight on me and my belly hangs over the pants and nothing looks good on me right now. I have no idea what I weigh right now. If I had to guess, I'd say 236 but I won't know until tomorrow.

I have a little less than a month until Punta Cana so I have got to get my butt in gear. My friend Jody (my work exercise buddy) and I have decided to do a challenge this month. Unfortunately we can't work out together this month since I have to tan on my lunch hour (so I don't burn to a crisp down in PC) but we've promised each other that we will make a good effort this month. We haven't decided quite how we're going to work this yet but it's either going to be by a percentage of weight loss and/or how well we stick to our plans by working out and eating good. I think that the loser will either buy the winner lunch or get a small gift for the winner. Hopefully that, in conjunction with the upcoming trip will help light a fire under me.

School is done for the quarter...thank God! I only had one class but felt like I did a ton of work. I have 3 classes next quarter, one of which I can get started on early since it's basically credits for an "internship" so I'm going to start that.

I just got off my week long "furlough" from work and feel like I got nothing accomplished, despite the fact that I kept myself busy all day long every day. Oh, well. I tried (as usual) and that's all that matters. I'm really scared to get my pay stub this week to see how much less I'm going to get paid because of this mandatory hiatus. It's not going to be pretty but thankfully I was able to pick up some part-time work from my old job to help make up some of the difference. We have a little bit in savings too so I think we'll be okay. I just hate having to worry about money. It just brings back a lot of bad memories from growing up dirt poor and on welfare until I was a JUNIOR in high school. I NEVER want (and I refuse) to subject my children to that hell. *steps down from soap box*

I feel like a broken record peeps. But, I'm going to take this one day and one pound at a time. That's 52 lbs. in a year. I could be down to 180 lbs. by this time next year, which would put me in a size 14/16. 1 pound per week is so do-able. I will do this!!!