Quick update

A new resolution of mine is to keep my blog somewhat updated...

I had my sleep study on Tuesday. I was less than pleased since I didn't get to sleep until 12:30 a.m.!!! I got up at 6:30 a.m. and the sleep tech couldn't tell me that I have sleep apnea but said that I'd likely see them back in a few weeks to do another sleep study with the c-pap (breathing) machine. It sucks because I don't really want to have to use a breathing machine but at this point in time, I've been exhausted most every day since I was 16 years old and this is getting old. Plus, apparently there are a lot of health problems associated with sleep apnea like diabetes and heart disease.

I saw the hematologist on Wednesday. I had to get more blood drawn. He believes that my high white blood cell count is due to an underlying infection (don't know where), an inflammatory disease process (such as rheumatoid arthritis), or worst case scenario (and very doubtful since I'm young - LOL), is a bone marrow disease where the body produces too much bone marrow. If the count continues to be high and they can't find a reason for it, I may have to undergo a bone marrow biopsy. Needless to say, I hope they find out what the deal is through my blood work.

Child supported called on Wednesday. For those of you who don't know, ex-sperm donor is behind about $27,000 in child support and they are finally prosecuting him for a felony level non-support charge. Even though Matt adopted Adrian, we did not waive the back child support since I'm a firm believer that child support is for the child and should be used for them. We've actually saved most of what we did get (about $1200) and put it in a savings account for Adrian to use for college, a car, or whatever he needs when he gets older since we don't really need it. It will be interesting to see how this turns out.

Lastly, I did go over my points on Wednesday (by 18.5 - yikes! However, no binging - yay me!) but was under by about 7.5 yesterday. I actually still have 16.5 flex points left until Sunday night so guess what I'm going to splurge on this weekend? A vanilla ice cream cone from McDonald's since they are only 3 points. Can't wait! :)

So far, so good!

Well...I already accomplished a couple of my New Year's resolutions mentioned yesterday. I didn't get up until the 4th or 5th time of the alarm going off but I got up about a good 1/2 hour earlier than I normally do. I did my make-up at home and blow-dried my hair before I left for work. And...drum roll please...check out what time I got to work:

Okay...so I was 3 minutes late but that's much better than the 15-20 that I normally am (eek!).

Also, I weighed in and took my measurements this morning. I'm up by about 13 lbs. since late November. About what I expected. I think some of that is water weight but it still may take me a month to get back to where I was. I'll change my ticker when I get home tonight. It's blocked here at work because our filters think it's a sex education website. WTH?

I have to work on setting some weight loss goals. A few of us from my BabyCenter birth board are having a meet-up in May and then Matt & I are going away somewhere warm and tropical (haven't decided where yet - maybe the Virgin Islands?) for our 5-year anniversary trip in September. I think I would like to lose about 40 lbs. by September, which I think is do-able since that's about 34 wks. from now, which is a little over a pound a week. I hope that I lose more than that but I want to set reasonable goals and take things slowly so I'm more apt to stay on my plan long-term. We shall see.

Oh, did I mention that I am cutting out my afternoon caffeine? I've been having issues with insomnia and staying asleep so I'm conducting a science experiment to see if that helps. Plus, I read somewhere recently that diet pop can cause metabolic syndrome, which is not conducive to weight loss since you retain belly fat and some other bad things. I'm also curious to see if that helps with my weight loss. I'm having green tea in place of my diet pop in the afternoon...

I weigh-in on Friday. I'll let you know how that goes.

Quick update

I finally broke down and shared with my husband what has been going through my mind and I promised him that I would go get help. It was one of the hardest things I've ever admitted to. He is so compassionate and understanding but it's hard for me to let him in (or anyone else for that matter) because I just don't feel like he would ever understand where I'm coming from.

I also took the plunge and called my old psychiatrist today. Unfortunately, since it's been so long since I saw him, I have to see a counselor first to do the intake and then I can see him for medication (if needed). My appointment isn't until Monday, January 12th!!! Thank goodness I'm not suicidal or something worse!

It's so much for me to wrap my head around. I overeat/binge eat because I have little to no self-control and I don't know how to eat normally, then my weight soars, then I feel bad about myself, then I start to diet and exercise, feel better, look thinner, get more attention from people and then decide that I'm not comfortable with the attention and then the cycle starts all over again.

I've been having so many flashbacks of 'the incident' and I get so angry.

Angry at my father for letting this monster 'babysit' me and my brother for the day while he played house with his (then) girlfriend.

Angry at my abuser for shattering my innocence and ending my childhood on that fateful day on July 8th, 1988. I wasn't even 9 years old!

Angry at my mother for not being there to protect me.

Angry at the system for letting this monster get away and never paying for what he did to me!

Angry at 'normal' people for not understanding what I have went through and still go through on a day to day basis.

I'm not fat simply because I overeat and don't exercise.

I overeat and eat badly to keep from feeling. I eat because I'm like a drug addict who enjoys that initial high that my drug (food) gives me. Food helps me forget about my feelings and stress at that given moment.

But unfortunately, unlike a drug addict, I can never put my drug of choice away for good. I must eat to survive.

Now it's just on to learning how to do that and coping with these feelings that never seem to completely go away...

So much to do, so little time

So I think it's time for a general update and this is going to seem completely random, but bear with me anyway.

I think Collin is pretty much potty-trained now. I've been hesitant to let you know because I was afraid of jinxing myself but he's been training for two weeks now and has not had ANY accidents for the past 2 days! Yay for no more diapers! That's $35/month in my pocket now!

I have my interview for the position I mentioned awhile back on Wednesday. It is now back to being a Supervisor position but I'm cool with that. I'm so ready for the change! I'm pretty much shitting bricks at this point in time (I hate interviews!) so wish me luck! I've got to log a bit of time on Monster.com this weekend and review my management text book that I used for my Intro to Management class in the Spring to brush up on stuff.

I have like one stupid pound (or so) before I meet this month's weight loss goal. I gave myself until the 24th to lose it so keep your fingers crossed. I've done great as far as eating sensibly and working out this week so I better see some results when I get on the scale for the final weigh-in!!!

I started back to school on Thursday. I'm taking 'Dealing with Diversity' and 'Human Resources Management' and it seems as if the quarter shouldn't be too difficult as far as homework and whatnot. Yay for that!

I bought my Christmas present way early. I'm so flipping excited about it! I'm flying down to Naples, Florida BY MYSELF to visit my BFF, Joe for about 5 days in December. I'm scared shitless about flying by myself but I'm excited about going to Florida and getting to hang out with Joe (and Vic). He's already got a bunch of fun stuff planned...beach time, fun at the gay bars, etc. The best part of it is is that I got the round-trip plane ticket for $206 TOTAL. Can you believe that?! I couldn't pass that up and considering that this will be the last chance I'll have to visit him for probably the next 5 years, I just have to go!

Oh, BTW...sorry for all the cussing this go 'round. It was completely necessary! LOL