Ehh

That's how I feel right now. I did fairly well with my low-carb eating until Thursday night. I was so fricking hungry and all I wanted was a bowl of Quaker Oatmeal Squares cereal. So, I caved and had some. Grr. About half way through, I was satisfied, but yet I continued to eat and I finished the whole damn thing. (damn the mentality my parents drilled in me about being clean plater!). The good news is that despite there being a shitload of candy in the house and having a box of unopened girl scout cookies at my desk, I did not cave to any of those. I honestly didn't think much about sugar over the week and nor did I get depressed about not having any.

Last night, I went out with my BFF, Amy to a neat little movie theater that is a restaurant, tavern, and movie theater all in one. So...we ate dinner, had drinks, and watched Valentines Day. It was such a good time! :) I didn't eat low-carb while I was there (surprise, surprise) and I enjoyed a couple of margaritas. I also have to admit that I did have some peanut M & M's while I was there. What I did learn from last night is that I get super bloated when I go back to eating "normally" and I feel completely gross afterward.

I don't know how I want to lose this weight but I'm determined to lose it. I look disgusting. One thing that I get so angry at myself about is that I do not think I am an ugly person. To the contrary, I like the way that I look. Dare I say that I think I'm pretty? I look back at my old thin pictures and get so angry because I could be so much prettier than what I am now. Now I just look like a huge, bloated version of my old self. Now I am not saying that being overweight makes one ugly, because I find many overweight people attractive (myself included), but I could definitely be more attractive if I didn't have a double chin, bat wings, and thunder thighs. Know what I mean???

Like I mentioned before, I love losing the weight quickly on low-carb but what I absolutely hate is how difficult it is to maintain the diet with my on-the-go lifestyle. I've determined in order to be successful on a low-carb diet that you must have a stove readily available or that you must cook/prepare everything ahead of time and then reheat it. That requires time, which I don't have much extra of. And Matt will do a lot of that, but I feel bad shoving one more thing off on him. The other problem I ran into this week was the huge amounts of sodium I was consuming; from the bacon, olives, and other things I was eating. Gross! One "staple" that we forgot to buy for the week was slim jims, which are terrible as far as being too processed and chock full o' sodium.

I'm thinking that maybe I need to do some more research on low-carb dieting to get some ideas on non-processed, lower-sodium foods/meals to eat. I don't think I'm ready to abandon this altogether just yet. I wish wasn't so damn indecisive!

On a totally unrelated note, I am really enjoying having my sister Naomi "back". We are talking on the phone several times a week now and we've even gotten her into Facebook now! :) I really want to spend more time with her, but the amount of homework I have right now is INSANE. She is coming over next weekend with the baby though. And I'll be on break so I'll actually get to spend some quality time with her. Mom is coming down too since she has got to watch the boys for us since we're going to the Puscifer concert next Sunday. YEAH! I cannot wait for our night out on the town in the big ole city of Cleveland (well...not exactly - Lorain - but that's pretty darn close).