Wow!

A month and a half, huh? I officially suck.

So much has happened since my last post. We've been passing back and forth all kinds of icky germs. I'm sick again for like the third time in three months. I have no doubt that my illnesses are due to my lack of exercising, eating like complete poo, and my inordinate amounts of stress. Adrian has been sick off and on several times as well and Collin was sick with strep throat for a week, two weeks before Thanksgiving. I have never seen any of my boys that sick ever! His fever got up to 104.9 and we had a hell of a time getting him to eat/drink anything but he finally got over it a week later.

As far as work goes, I have been going on weekly client meetings, trying to save the clients I've got left and trying to get some of them to return. The good news (for us at least) is that the new company that my group of clients went with is doing a terrible job at servicing them and so they are slowly coming back. It's still hard for me that they're gone; I took everything personally and shouldn't have because each one of them I have talked to have indicated that it was not a service issue with me. In fact, they've done wonders for my ego in telling me how much they appreciate all of the help I've given them, how wonderful I am, blah, blah, blah. :D

I also started on my co-op experience class aka internship this month. I'm SO excited because I am assisting on some top secret (just kidding!) human resources projects for 2010. The company is finally getting back to employee appreciation and building back up morale and fostering warm, fuzzy feelings amongst employees. I'm pumped to be along for the ride at this point in time and can definitely see myself staying there long-term.

Family-wise, things have been difficult. We have been helping a close family member with their coming to terms with their alcoholism, and to say it's been hard would be an understatement. This is an on-going issue that isn't going to go away by itself so we have been doing everything that we can to be supportive and help with what we can with this family member. Matt's grandpa has both leukemia and malignant melanoma and they think it has spread to his lymph nodes. My grandma's health has been rapidly deteriorating since August. She started having heart palpitations, feeling faint, and having shortness of breath. They found out that one of her heart chambers is beating too fast and the other too slow. They have shocked her heart twice, to no avail, so now she is on multiple medications to keep her comfortable and give her some quality of life. There is nothing more they can do since she wouldn't survive a surgery. It saddens me because she is just a shell of herself. She has never been a lazy person. In fact, the woman is almost 85 years old and until all of this she was doing volunteer work constantly and had a better social calendar than I did. Now she can't even walk very far or do her own housework. She's got to depend on meals on wheels for food and family to help with everything else. It is going to kill me when she dies because she is my heart. As I've mentioned before, I had a shitty childhood but she was my bright spot. We spent all of our extra time with her and she was the reason why we had any sense of normalcy growing up. I don't know what I would have done without her nor where I'd be today, since I credit so much of my success to her setting such a great example of a strong woman for me.

On to some happy news...we are planning a trip to Ireland in February. Our friends Leah & Trevor are moving back to the States permanently in late March / early April and our trip to Ireland on a budget is pretty much now or never. We are not 100% certain we are going just yet because of our grandparents' health. However, I know my Grandma well enough to know that she wouldn't want me to miss out on this opportunity because of what may or may not happen while we're gone. I've just got to check on some things with trip insurance and then we'll decide from there. Keep your fingers crossed!

Lastly, the dreaded update...weight loss is officially non-existent at this point in time. Between my absolutely dreadful fall quarter at school, overtime, family drama, and now this internship, it's been extremely difficult to get myself back on track. I know that I am using food to get myself through this tough time but I honestly think I'd have a nervous breakdown otherwise (well that and if I didn't have my handy-dandy anti-depressants). Matt & I have decided that as of the beginning of January, we are getting our asses in gear and getting back on track. We're actually paying off a chunk of debt and I think that will free up some money to get a membership to the YMCA. That will help out a lot, plus my classes next quarter are on-line and my internship stuff should slow way down. I am disappointed in myself that I can't get myself to stick to my program during the tough times but it's SO hard. I'm actually so desperate to lose weight that I've contemplated the dreaded weight-loss surgery but I know that a) I'd have to get my eating under control, b) it'd be next to impossible to get anything approved under health insurance since I don't have any other health problems, and c) Matt would never, in a million years, let me get the surgery. So...I guess it's back to good old fashioned hard work, self-discipline, and dedication in less than a month.

Oh, and I haven't even gotten on a scale yet. I'm back up to a size 20 (and those are getting tight), so I'd venture to say I'm back up to frickin 240+ again. So depressing!

However...I keep telling myself that if the Biggest Loser contestants can do it that I can too! :) I'll keep you posted on everything. (for the two of you that still keep up on my blog ;)