Quick update

I finally broke down and shared with my husband what has been going through my mind and I promised him that I would go get help. It was one of the hardest things I've ever admitted to. He is so compassionate and understanding but it's hard for me to let him in (or anyone else for that matter) because I just don't feel like he would ever understand where I'm coming from.

I also took the plunge and called my old psychiatrist today. Unfortunately, since it's been so long since I saw him, I have to see a counselor first to do the intake and then I can see him for medication (if needed). My appointment isn't until Monday, January 12th!!! Thank goodness I'm not suicidal or something worse!

It's so much for me to wrap my head around. I overeat/binge eat because I have little to no self-control and I don't know how to eat normally, then my weight soars, then I feel bad about myself, then I start to diet and exercise, feel better, look thinner, get more attention from people and then decide that I'm not comfortable with the attention and then the cycle starts all over again.

I've been having so many flashbacks of 'the incident' and I get so angry.

Angry at my father for letting this monster 'babysit' me and my brother for the day while he played house with his (then) girlfriend.

Angry at my abuser for shattering my innocence and ending my childhood on that fateful day on July 8th, 1988. I wasn't even 9 years old!

Angry at my mother for not being there to protect me.

Angry at the system for letting this monster get away and never paying for what he did to me!

Angry at 'normal' people for not understanding what I have went through and still go through on a day to day basis.

I'm not fat simply because I overeat and don't exercise.

I overeat and eat badly to keep from feeling. I eat because I'm like a drug addict who enjoys that initial high that my drug (food) gives me. Food helps me forget about my feelings and stress at that given moment.

But unfortunately, unlike a drug addict, I can never put my drug of choice away for good. I must eat to survive.

Now it's just on to learning how to do that and coping with these feelings that never seem to completely go away...

Update on weight loss (or lack thereof)

I know, I know. I've neglected my blog.

I've been here numerous times throughout the past weeks but every time I get on, I just don't know what to type because I'm so disgusted with myself.

I'm still off my plan. It's pretty much been a free-for-all since Thanksgiving.

I had a mini melt down last week after shopping for some breakfast/snack stuff at the store. I came home with Double Stuff Oreos, 4 packages of Little Debbie Snack cakes, and 4 cans of Pringles. Wow?!

I didn't really realize that I had picked up that much junk food until Matt & I went to go put it away. He was pretty pissed, needless to say. He actually confronted me about my binge/bad eating. Talk about humiliating. I know he didn't talk to me about it to accomplish that but he has not really said much to me about my eating habits throughout the 8 years that we've been together and so I was completely blindsided by this conversation.

What I did figure out is that I have no clue how to eat NORMALLY. Give me Weight Watchers, I'm good. Give me Atkins, I'm good with that too. But cut me loose to eat freely on my own and it's not a pretty thing.

I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do. I'm pretty sure that I'm not depressed but I'm in a funk. It's pretty much spilled over to all areas of my life. I'm bored out of my mind at work. I'm bored at home. Lord knows I have plenty to do at both places, but I just find myself lacking the motivation to get the stuff done that I need to, whether it's eating good or getting stuff accomplished.

I'm having some major sleep issues right now and so maybe that's part of my problem. I haven't had a good night's sleep in months. I toss and turn and probably wake up once an hour or once every other hour. I can't get to sleep at night when I finally get to bed...about an hour or two after I should go to bed. Then I'm dragging all day the next day and the cycle continues.

I'm seriously considering going back to my psychiatrist. I really don't want to go back on anti-depressants but maybe if it's not depression he can refer me to a good counselor.

I have been having some issues with my self-image again too. I'm in one of those moods where I don't want to be 'seen'...I'd much rather just blend into the background. I started to feel more attractive a month ago or so after I'd lost the first 20 lbs. and then I started getting self-conscious. I hate it when people look at me. Well, not women so much but I hate it when men look at me. I was starting to get to that point men were paying more attention to me. It is so uncomfortable. I really need to nip that problem in the bud.

I really, really hate the man who molested me. :( It is because of him that I'll never be "normal" in that respect.

Enough about that pig though. I've let him have way too much control over my life for way too long.

I do have a plan. I am back on my [eating] plan starting the first of the year. I will also start working out again then. My friend Jody and I are going to work out at lunch at work since we get an hour for lunch and have a nice weight room to exercise in. I am going to try to Wii Fit a couple of the other days at home. Wish me luck. I need it.

My second attempt at cutting Collin's hair

I am so proud of myself...and Collin! It took me probably a 1/2 hour to cut his hair and he didn't complain, cry, or fidget too much throughout the whole process. He's looks like such a big boy now!

Before (I don't know what this look is here?):

After:

Did I ever tell you that I wanted to be a Cosmetologist for years? Can you tell? :oP

Christmas Card 2008

Here is our Christmas card for this year, courtesy of Renee at Photocarddesign.com. They also do invitations, birth announcements, etc. Check 'em out! :)

I'm back from Florida!

I have a ton of stories but need to catch up with Matt before I go into details. In the meantime, enjoy my pictures! :)

Edited: Stupid MySpace slide show wasn't working, so here is a link to my Facebook photo album: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=12788&l=a2d8d&id=1240073638

In a slump :*(

I feel like such a loser lately...and not in a good (weight-loss kind of) way.

I've been off my plan since November 21st and have been binging like crazy. I guess that just goes to show you that just when you think you have your sh*t together, you realize that you don't. Very depressing! :(

Since I'm on a roll here, I haven't exercised since October 22nd according to Sparkpeople. WOW! I was thinking it was only a month or so but nope...42 days of no exercise. Pitiful! Seriously...WTH is wrong with me?!

I haven't weighed in since November 21st either. I'm too scared to.

Some good news is that my friend Jody got hired here at my job and she has agreed to be my exercise buddy. :) (Thanks, Jody!!!) I'm going to try to work out a 1/2 hour here three times per week and then get in some Wii time another three days out of the week.

On another positive note, I'm leaving for Naples, Florida tomorrow to visit my BFF, Joe, from high school. It's my early Christmas present from Matt. Isn't he just the best husband ever???

My goal while I'm down there is not to binge eat and to try to get in some type of physical activity. Joe lives in a condo and they have a heated pool and jacuzzi there so at the very least, my butt can get in some swim time while I'm there. Plus, we're going out for Joe's birthday on Saturday and so I'm sure I'll be burning some calories by shaking my booty on the dance floor. That should make for some great pictures too! This will only be the second time I've ever been to a gay bar and the first time was a blast. It will make for an interesting night, to say the least...

I'm not sure if I'll blog or not while I'm gone. I'm not taking my laptop but Joe has a computer. I know that I won't be sharing any pictures until I get back (unless I happen to take them with my camera phone...hmm...). I will post a picture slide show when I return so be sure to check that out next week.

I love these holidays but for weight loss purposes and getting healthy, I can't wait until they are over!

I'll be back on Monday so hope y'all have a great weekend!!! I know I will! :)

To the Spoiled Under 30 crowd

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!
(If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!)

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears
With their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were
growing up; what with walking Twenty -five miles to school every morning
.. Uphill... barefoot...
BOTH ways

Yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up,
There was no way in hell I was going to lay
A bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it
And how easy they've got it!
But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of
Thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my
Childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it but you kids today you
Don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know
something, We had to go to the damn library and
Look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!
There was no email!! We had to actually write
Somebody a letter, with a pen!
Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox
and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3' s or Napsters! You wanted to
Steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it
yourself!
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd
usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you
Were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's
it!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either!
When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school,
Your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you
Just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video
Games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games
Like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You
Actually had to use your Imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or
Screens, it was just one screen
Forever!

And you could never win. The game just kept getting
Harder and harder and
Faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!


You had to use a Little book called a TV Guide to find out what was
On! You were screwed when it Came to channel surfing! You had to get off
Your a$$ and walk over to the TV to change the Channel and there was no
Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons
On Saturday Morning. Do you Hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK
For cartoons, you spoiled
Little rat-bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat
Something up we had to use the stove ... Imagine that!
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids
Today have got it too easy.
You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted
Five minutes back in 1980!

Regards,
The over 30 Crowd

Family Pics 2008

I had this post typed out but Blogger ate it and so here you go...our family pics from 2008. Enjoy!

During Collin's melt-down (Calgon...take me away!)

Can you tell I'm saying cheese here? I was trying every tactic possible to get Collin to cooperate including but not limited to: silly mommy antics, bribery, and playground fun.

I think it may be more than a few years until our next family pictures. Maybe even longer for Collin's next pictures after his melt-down. Ahhhhhhh!!!

How to get rid of those pesky telemarketers...

Or any other annoying telephone calls!

So, we get pesky bill collector calls on a daily basis. They're not for us (don't ask) and they annoy the hell out of us.

Let me just say, first of all, I totally empathize with the stress that broke people have who get hounded by these people. They DO NOT GIVE UP and they don't care if you've lost your job or are on your deathbed dying of cancer. They're ruthless.

Anywho...we've decided to try a different tactic now. Before we'd say, "No, so-and-so isn't here. Thanks, bye!" But that didn't work.

Enter Collin.

After we discovered that he likes talking on the phone and he knows how to, we just give him the phone when an unknown number comes up.

Today, I laughed so hard I almost cried.

Here is a transcript of the conversation:

Collin: "Heh-woh?"

Telemarketer: "Hello. Is so-and-so there?"

Collin: "Hi!"

Telemarketer: "Is your mommy around?"

Collin: "(Senseless gibberish)...blah, blah, blah." <---- this went on for about two minutes until the phone went dead.

HILARIOUS!

I need to get this on video.

Funny Collinism

So, I'm sitting here typing this right now as Collin is eating some jell-o. He's talking to himself saying, "Tasty Sugar, Tasty Sugar".

LMAO!

Too bad he doesn't know that it's sugar-free! hahahahahahaha!

Old Navy Jeans

I am so excited! I got my new jeans in the mail from Old Navy today...size 18W. I haven't worn a size 18W jeans in years. In my experience, Old Navy runs a little small and so I knew I wouldn't be able to wear them right away but I'm so close! If I can lose another inch or so off my waist, I can get them buttoned.

Oh, well. Another goal to strive towards, right?

Yay!

I came in this morning to work knowing that I had won $25 from a football pool that I'm in here at work for the Buckeyes. Little did I know that I actually won two quarters (since they didn't score in the 3rd quarter) and that I won $50!

Woo-hoo!

That will pay for about half of the new laptop cord that we had to buy over the weekend...

Some pics from this weekend...

Gabby (my niece) & Collin - isn't she beautiful?

Me & Mommy

Me, Bill (my step-dad), & Collin

The whole gang (my brother Dahkota is on the far left)

Adrian & Na-Na
Here is a link to the rest of the pictures on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=11374&l=a5fa4&id=1240073638

We had a really good time. I hadn't seen Mom since June and the boys had fun making Indian fry bread with Na-Na and just vegging out. I didn't eat low-carb this weekend (obviously with the fry bread, LOL) but I didn't go completely overboard either. It was nice to be normal and eat within reason.

Bye for now!

I'm heading off to my Mom's for the weekend. She lives about 2 1/2 hours away in Michigan and I haven't seen her in like five months. I'm so excited!

Matt never does anything for himself and so I encouraged him to go have fun with his friends this weekend and so he's going to get some fun time in this weekend too.

I was thinking that I hardly have any pics of me and my mom and so I think I'll work on getting some this weekend. Plus, it'll be good blog fodder. :)

Hope you all have a great weekend! I'll be back either tomorrow night or Monday...

Kids say the darndest things

So I have a couple funny tidbits to share courtesy of Collin...

Last week, I came home to Collin talking to Matt about a "Baby Seester, Baby Seester, Daddy".

Does he know something that I don't? :)

(oh, and before you get too excited, I'm 101% sure that I'm not pregnant but who knows what the future might bring since we're (okay...I really mean I'm) about 75% sure that we (I) want to have another baby?)

And my second funny story, happened tonight. Matt was home with the boys since I was at school. The phone rang and he checked the caller-ID and saw that it was an unknown number. He ran to get something and came back to Collin talking on the phone. His conversation went something like this:

"Heh-woh?"

"Nope."

"Okay. Bye now!"

Where is the video camera when you need it? :) We have no idea who he talked to or if they even knew that it was a 2-year old that was on the phone but they never did call back.

I'm getting some ideas now... *evil laugh*

Yeah-yuh!

So, as you know, I've lost close to 20 lbs. since I (re) started my weight loss journey in August. You may also know that I've lost 4 sizes since then. For whatever reason, I have been scared to death to try on my old pants.

Well...today I got the courage to do just that. I got tired of looking like I crapped myself because my pants were/are too big in the back (and the front for that matter) and so I dug out a huge bag of clothing that I had put away probably two years ago, thinking that I'd probably never wear them again and that I'd have to donate them.

I am happy to report that I am able to definitely, without a doubt, fit into all of my size 18W pants! Woo-hoo!

So I was trying to find a video on YouTube to celebrate this glorious occasion and I couldn't really find one but found this one that I had totally forgot about...since we're on the subject of booties.

Whoot there it is! :oP

I love my life!

Sorry to have neglected you all this week. It's been a not so good eating and weight loss week. No crazy bingeing; just not eating like I should and working out like I should. I'm getting back on track though so next week WILL be better.

Anyway. Today started out with Collin crawling in bed with me and waking me up with a kiss and him saying "I lub you momma". It's moments like that when it makes him completely demolishing my house every chance he gets totally worth it!

Matt took us all out to Amish country today so we could pick up some stuff we needed. First of all, I'm a complete boob because I walked into the Amish bakery/store and wondered why it was so dark in there. Duh! That was totally a 'Jessica' moment.

It smelled so DIVINE in there! They were baking fresh pumpkin pies and cookies on a wood burning stove and the combination was just heavenly! Yum, yum, yum!

We ended up buying some cheese for like $3.50/lb. and got the boys some homemade chocolate dipped pretzels. I'm happy to report that I haven't ate any yet. I'm actually kind of candied-out from my mini-binges this week, so I guess that's good.

The boys got to check out some of the farm animals. Collin really liked the bunnies. I saw a sign there that the rabbits are like $8 a piece but I wasn't sure if that was for rabbit meat or the actual rabbits (eek...and I wasn't going to ask!).

Christmas present maybe? (live rabbit that is)

We also saw some horses there and Collin pointed out "Horsey likes a apple". He is fortunate to know all about horses because Matt's Grandpa owns a horse farm. So cute!

Next it was on to find some firewood. We ended up driving all around Amish country but it was neat to see the houses and the different people. They are SO friendly too! (not that I expected them NOT to be but they were just really, really cordial) We finally found a place where we got a truck load for like $35 of really good wood. We're still not set for the winter but that's a good start. It was hilarious to watch Matt & Adrian load the wood. Adrian's idea of loading wood was throwing a twig in at a time as Matt and the Amish guy grabbed armfuls and chucked it in the truck. I was chuckling hysterically at Matt because he's lost so much weight that he had some major plumber's crack going on. <--- He's probably going to kill me for that last comment. *evil laugh*

All in all, it was a nice family morning. It's so nice that my classes are so easy this quarter so we have the luxury of doing stuff like this together.

I'm trying to talk Matt into dumping the boys off at Grandma & Grandpa's for the night so we can do some Christmas shopping/browsing, since it'll be here before we know it...

First Americans for Obama

Thanks to Cousin Lynelle for this insightful video:



SISSETON WAHPETON OYATE FOR BARACK OBAMA

Date: Nov 3, 2008 2:06 PM
Subject: First Americans for Obama
Body: Watch and Pass On Please! First Americans have been stepping up across the nation to help bring the change we need.

Free Starbucks!!! And Ben & Jerry's!!!

Starbucks: You get a free tall cup o' joe if you come in tomorrow and let them know you voted. Details here: http://www.starbucks.com/

Guess where I'm going tomorrow after I vote? :oP

Ben & Jerry's: We want to thank you for voting by giving you a free scoop of ice cream! If you did not vote...We'll give you a scoop anyway, but no complaining about the results...or the size of your scoop. Come to participating scoop shops on November 4th from 5-8pm, and you'll get a free scoop of ice cream. Click here for voting locations and participating scoop shop!http://www.facebook.com/benjerry Thanks, from all of us at Ben & Jerry's! Limit one per customer. (Too bad the nearest one is like 2 hours from me and I have school tomorrow night!)

Down 3.75 more inches...

For the past month. Yay! :)

Not the big numbers I hoped to see but a loss is a loss. Only 7 more lbs. until my mini-shopping spree! :)

And while we're discussing inches/size, and since I was honest about my weight last week, I figured I might as well put my size out there. I started out this journey at a size 22W (I actually had a pair of capris that were a size 24W and that's when I decided enough was enough) and I'm happy to report that I fit comfortably in a size 18W now.

Still not where I want to be but it's progress. :) My goal is to get down to a size 8 or 10. I don't really want to be much smaller than that because I rather enjoy my curves. :oP

Anyway...I can do and I AM doing this!!!

Terrible Twos

Does anyone want a terrible, I mean, um well-behaved, cherubic, and adorable little 2-year old?

Collin is about ready to drive me insane! He is a non-stop ball of energy and his favorite thing to do now when he doesn't get his way is to throw himself on the floor and scream at the top of his lungs until I want to rip every hair from my head and then bang my head against the wall until I knock myself out and put myself out of this misery.

I've got an example of this behavior; as a matter of fact, he had a mini-melt down as I was typing this because I turned the T.V. off because he was getting too hyper. This is not even close to what we deal with on a daily basis. Enjoy!

Oh, and an example of his boundless energy during trick or treating (notice who he is yelling for (Jessica) - I didn't notice until I about the 5th time I watched this - nice!):

Halloween!

Punkin Carving!

He just looks sweet & innocent - can you say terrible twos?!?!?!

Now this is my favorite age...

Me & The Boys (I got some more money out of my costume...yay!)

Collin wasn't liking his costume at first but once he figured out that he could get candy, he was all over it. Both he & Adrian made out like bandits and I fell off the bandwagon today with my eating...darn candy (and stupid potluck at work)!!!

Better luck tomorrow...

So I accidentally fibbed last night when I posted...

I've actually lost a total of 17.3 lbs. (since August 12th - my ticker is as of when I started initially and then stopped back in April).

Also, I decided to change my official weigh-in day to Fridays since I seem to weigh the least then.

I've also decided that when I hit the 25 lbs. weight loss mark that I'm buying myself some new pants. I've got a ton of shirts/sweaters I can wear but I'm seriously swimming in my pants but I don't want to buy them prematurely. Plus, I'm using that as a reward for myself so I can keep myself motivated.

Hope everyone has a great weekend! I know I will! :)

I got my first weight loss compliment today!

From someone other than my husband...even better!

One of my co-workers stopped me to tell me how good I look and how she can tell that I've lost a lot of weight! Yay!!! It felt so good for someone to finally notice my hard work!

So I got to thinking about it and I've 16.5 lbs. (as of yesterday) and I've only got about 7.5 lbs. to go to meet my first 10% goal. My overall weight loss goal is approx. 100 lbs. and so I've lost about 16.5% of my overall weight that I want to lose.

I've also decided to get real with you all. My Sparkpeople buddies (and some of my BBC) know my true weight but I don't think I've shared it with the rest of you.

I will put the ticker in this post and then in another permanent spot on my blog. It's really embarrassing for me (that I ever let myself get this big in the first place) but I hope that by me 'getting real' with myself that it will help someone else on their weight loss journey.

I am hopeful that I won't be at this weight for much longer. Then I can just be proud of how much weight I've lost! :)

A new low-carb treat...yummy!

Low Carb Crustless Pumpkin Pie

I have been craving pumpkin pie like you would NOT believe. Darn holidays! So, anyway...I decided to try out this recipe. I was a little short on the DaVinci sugar-free syrup so I had to add in some sugar free liquid sweetener and a tsp of vanilla. Also, instead of butter, I greased the pie pan with coconut oil since I was worried that the butter would burn as the pie baked.

One word: scrumdiddlyumptious! It's only about 5 net carbs per serving and I topped it with my homemade low carb whipped cream. HEAVENLY!

Matt said that he thought it had a diety after taste but I didn't notice. If you decide to try it, let me know how you like it.

Is that not one of the most beautiful pies you've ever laid eyes on???

Okay...I'll stop now. :)

Small victory...

So...as you know my little sisters watched the boys this past weekend. I gave them $10 to buy some snacks for while they were there and they forgot a couple of them.

Confession time - One of the things they left was a Hershey's Cookies & Cream bar and that poor thing didn't stand a chance against me. I'm ashamed to admit that after Matt went to get in the shower Sunday night and I had the whole thing consumed in like two minutes! Fast forward to last night...the leftover Lays Potato chips and french onion dip are still at my house. I was SO hungry and desperately wanted something to snack on and so I kept going back and forth to the kitchen contemplating eating them or something else. I even thought about eating Collin's potty-training rewards (Gummy lifesavers) but I'm happy to report that I won the battle last night.

Now if I can just remember to throw away the rest of the chips/dip and to restrain myself from eating Collin's goodies...

How sad am I???

On the bright side, at least I'm one day closer to my overall goal. :)

Down 2 more pounds...

As of this morning. That brings my total weight loss since August 12th to 13.6 lbs. Not as much as I'd wanted to lose by now but it's a loss nonetheless so I'll take it! :)

I'm trying to get back on Atkins' Induction phase this week since we're finally un-busy for awhile and so I'm hoping to jump start a bigger weight loss soon. Wish me luck on that!

Halloween party pics!

So we had our night of debauchery last night at Tracy's house. Tracy is my BFF from childhood; we've been best friends since we were 5 years old. I seriously love this woman! She is a friggin blast and I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. Anywho...on to picture sharing...

Me - Sober - at the beginning of the night

The highlight of the night - the only pic of this I can share since he had an extra appendage hidden under his skirt. LMAO

D-R-U-N-K (I can't believe I'm posting this on here!)

Tracy - my BFF of almost 25 years - I love this woman! :)

Ready for bed - Oh my?!

I had a really classic photo of Matt that I wanted to share but he nixed that...boo to him!

I should put a disclaimer out there that the boys were safe at home with my little sisters (their Aunts) and that they had a great time sans parents. And...we stayed the night since we don't drink and drive (heck we don't even drink much at all normally). It was a GREAT time and I can't wait for the next annual Halloween party!

Check it out!

I'm SO proud of Dane (yet again)! He is now the #1 football player in our league for tackles this high school football season with 134 tackles, 7 more than the next guy.

This kid is going to go on to do great things...I can just feel it! :)

Eww!

I worked my ass off tonight. So hard that:

1) My stomach hurt like it only hurt when I ran in high school; you know...when you feel like you're about ready to barf your guts out? Yep...that feeling.
2) I now smell like my 17-year old brother after a really good high school football game. That is the only time I've ever smelled that smell before now. Gross!

This is all good, right? I'm so proud of myself this week. That's 3 hours of working out in the past week! Sparkpeople.com says that I've burned between 400 and 500 calories with each work out...yay!

Off to take a shower and to wash this stench off of me...I cannot and will not subject Matt to this tonight.

Blech!

More deep thoughts

So I read the following 'Healthy Reflections' in one of my daily SparkPeople e-mails:

The Wisdom of Listening

One common trait to nearly every good leader is the art of listening. Many times, the best leaders can be among the quietest in the room. They know their time is well spent in hearing new perspectives, ideas, and thoughts. It's how they grow personally and build visions. The wisest leaders know that hearing themselves talk is no way to build trust and goodwill. You can do the same thing. When a friend needs to talk, resist the urge to give advice right away and just listen. Ask questions, and really try to understand the answer. When a customer calls, don't say a word about your product until you fully know their needs. When your spouse is hurting, it's not the time to prove that you were right. Over time, you can develop that leader-like sense of when to open your mouth and when to keep it clamped firmly shut.

I really need to work on the bolded part. I have a really great husband; I mean REALLY GREAT husband and I am so bad about telling him this and how much I love him. He busts his butt every day to make everyone in this house happy and rarely takes time out for himself to do anything. We have some extended family issues going on right now that I'm super frustrated with and he's been the brunt of my anger/frustration. I really need to think before I speak because I don't and I have a tendency to hurt those that I love the most; especially poor Matt.

I'm adding that to the list of things I need to work on...wish me luck!

Three minute low carb flourless chocolate cake

Say that 3 times fast!


So my low-carb hero, Becky, introduced me to this site. I've been eyeballing many recipes that I'm going to try out over the coming weeks. I decided to try this recipe out (from the same site):


3-MINUTE FLOURLESS CHOCOLATE CAKE

1 tablespoon butter
2 tablespoons cocoa
Tiny pinch salt, optional
1 egg
2 tablespoons Da Vinci sugar free syrup, vanilla flavor
4 teaspoons granular Splenda or equivalent liquid Splenda

In a small microwaveable bowl microwave the butter for about 15-20 seconds on HIGH until completely melted. Whisk in the cocoa and salt until smooth. Whisk in the egg until well blended then whisk in the remaining ingredients until you have a smooth batter. Microwave on HIGH 1 minute. Cool completely or serve slightly warm.

Makes 1 serving
Can be frozen

With granular Splenda: Per Serving: 210 Calories; 18g Fat; 8g Protein; 9g Carbohydrate; 4g Dietary Fiber; 5g Net Carbs

With liquid Splenda: Per Serving: 202 Calories; 18g Fat; 8g Protein; 7g Carbohydrate; 4g Dietary Fiber; 3g Net Carbs


Here are the fruits of my labor:

Now bear in mind that I'm not a chocolate cake fan at all, but I was extremely surprised that this was very cake-like. It was not too shabby. It had a strong chocolate taste and didn't taste too diety. That's whipped cream on the top, by the way. It's my very own recipe as follows:

Low Carb Whipped Cream

1/2 cup Heavy Whipping Cream
3 packets of Splenda
1 teaspoon vanilla

Dump ingredients in a bowl together and mix together until fluffy (about two minutes).

Under Atkins this would be 3 carbs (although I don't count the Splenda, but that's just me).

7 minutes of pure HELL!

So I was feeling guilty tonight about not working out for the past 10 days so I decided that it would be a good idea to change it up, dust off the elliptical, and hop on for a few minutes.

Within the first 30 seconds my legs were burning. After a minute I felt like my legs were going to break off. Then I decided to go backwards to see if it would help lessen then pain. Wrong! I got a split seconds reprieve while the elliptical was catching up but then I just started burning in different places.

All the while I'm doing this, Matt is coming in and checking on me to see how I'm doing; asking me if it's getting better as I'm getting used to it...making comments that it gets easier for him as he goes. I gave him a dirty look and told him that it wasn't getting easier for me because I'm so damn out of shape.

Finally, I decided that I'd had enough after seven minutes. My legs have never felt more jell-o-like in my life.

How in the world am I going to build up to 30 minutes at this rate???

It has begun

So, I was working on homework last night and Age decides to update me on his life.

"It's happening, Mom."

"What's happening, Adrian?"

"The girls. They all want to be my girlfriend."

"Well...that's a good thing right?"

"I dunno. They make me mad 'cuz they keep threatening me. Like if I don't go out with 'em they say they're gonna tell the teacher that I kicked 'em. One of 'em actually did that and ended up with a (snickers) detention after school."

It has begun.

Oh, and before I forget, he got his first flag in flag football this past weekend. Of course I wasn't there to witness it since I was at home with a sick Collin but I'm so proud of him. :)

Matt has offered him $20 bucks if he gets a touchdown this weekend.

I swear they are both bound and determined to break our bank.

My latest experiment

So, Collin needed a haircut..I mean the kid had a serious mullet as evidenced in this picture:

So I did what any other frugal, mullet-hating mom would do...I found a great instructional video on YouTube and I cut the mullet off myself. Here is the video.

Here are the after pics (I apologize in advance for the quality; our new camera isn't very user friendly so I opted to use the old camera phone):

Front
Side
Back

I'm not crazy about his bangs but I think I did a pretty spiffy job for my first time. I used to cut Adrian's hair a LONG time ago with clippers but you just can't do that with Collin's hair.

I hope this was able to help someone else out; especially since we're all trying to cut back money wherever we can with this darn economy.

Little does Adrian know, but he's my next victim. Bwa, ha, ha!

Waiting sucks

My employer had better make a decision on this stupid promotion before I go postal on someone! It has been over two weeks since I interviewed for the position and they don't seem any closer to making a decision. I feel bad because everyone keeps asking me if I got it but I don't have an answer. Rest assured that y'all will be some of the first ones to know about it if I do get it.

We could sure use the extra $$$ right about now. (Thanks for the $65 worth of text messages on our cell phone bill, Matt!) Urgh!

I lied

So, I know I posted yesterday and said that I didn't feel bad (emotionally) about eating bad this weekend.

Well...I lied.

I got on the scale and it showed a net gain of about 2 lbs.

The good news is I learned the following lessons:

1) Do NOT accept 'goodies' from friends no matter how good their intentions are. Plus, my children don't need junk like cupcakes anyway.
2) Do NOT let myself become ravishingly hungry before eating since that is a trigger to bad eating of mine.
3) I really need to learn how to cook better and to keep easy low-carb meals on hand. I can't depend on Matt to be my personal chef at all times.

Back to the grind today. I'm going to lose this weight if it kills me.

Confession

It's confession time today.

I've been bad...really bad this weekend. But you know the crazy thing about it? I don't feel bad about it.

As some of you heard, my BFF gave me the leftover cupcakes from the baby shower I threw her on Friday for the boys. I ate two of them on Friday and then attempted to get back on track yesterday but let myself get so hungry and it got so late that I made a run to Taco Bell for dinner. I ended up getting one of those Chalupa meals, ate half of Collin's Cinnamon Twists, and had two margaritas to top it off. Oh, and I ate another stupid cupcake before I went to bed. I've been really good today (skipped birthday cupcakes at a birthday party) but Matt is off track since he's been working on putting up our $1200 building all weekend long and so now I'm off track AGAIN since I agreed to him picking up pizza for dinner. Ahhhhhh! This is when my non-existent cooking abilities present a problem...

I did, however, work out tonight. Even though I had homework I should have been working on, I still did it. I have also done some housework this weekend so that counts for something, in my opinion.

It was nice to eat something different this weekend but I swear I'm back on track tomorrow!

I am REALLY enjoying Collin right now...

The kid is not only a genius but he's hilarious as hell!

So, we're sitting here a few minutes ago (watching the Buckeyes) and Matt is making conversation with Collin during the commercial breaks.

He asked Collin, "Who is Santa Claus?"

Collin responds, "He brings me toys."

Priceless.

I should also remind you that the kid is barely two years old.

LMAO!

I have a cheerleader

So I was working out last night on the Wii Fit doing the Super Hula Hoops and I hear a little voice behind me say:

"Good job, momma! Good job!"

I <3 Collin.

Yee-haw!

So I finally got around to measuring my inches lost from the past month and here are the results:

Neck -0.5 inches
Waist -1 inch
Hips -3.5 inches
Total: 5 inches in one month!

Suck on that Matt (my husband who I was complaining about to some of you yesterday).

Yeah!

Matt sucks!

Can you believe that he has lost about 7 lbs. in the past two weeks?! He annoys the hell out of me. Not only has been indulging in light beer, but he's not been watching everything he eats, nor has he exercised as much as me but yet he still has blown me out of the water with his weight loss. Boo!

On a positive note, my clothes are super loose and I've lost *nearly* 4 sizes total since I started back to low-carb and consistent exercising so I guess I should just shut up and be happy, huh? Which reminds me...I need to take my inches and record them tomorrow on Sparkpeople.

I am proud of him though. He's really taking his weight loss serious this time around. He is now doing very well with his eating and is working out daily.

Must be nice to have that kind of extra time.

New 'do (well...color at least)

So I got rid of the highlights and went red brown violet; that's right folks. There is such a color. Check it out:

Before (front view):

Before (side view):

After (front view - sorry about the no makeup - eek!):

After (side view):

What do you think??? I *love* it! It was time for a change...

OSU v. Minnesota (football) pics

Dane (my little brother) & Me - Isn't he handsome? :o)

Script Ohio (upside down from our vantage point)

A very nice view of Mr. James Laurinaitis (#33) :oP

"Da Man" - Beanie Wells

The best Big 10 quarterback - Terrell Pryor

Coach Jim Tressel - another one of my men :o)

Final Score - suck on that Gophers!

Carmen Ohio - O-H-I-O

I was so glad that I got the opportunity to go again this year and that Matt let me take Dane instead of him. We had a BLAST and Dane was really appreciative of me inviting him along. Plus, we got in some much needed bonding time. It was just so neat to see everything through his eyes for the first time again and him saying "This is SO awesome!" He totally deserved to go too, as good as he has been playing football this season.

Did I mention that he is the #2 tackle in the MOAC right now?

I just love my little brother! No matter how much bigger he gets than me...

Weight loss (and interview) update

Okay...so I had to get on the scale this morning because this was the target date for my 10 lbs. weight loss for the month. I was pleasantly surprised because not only did I meet the goal (on the exact target date!), but I exceeded it and have lost a total of 12.5 lbs. since I started eating low-carb AND exercising a month ago. Of course, I'm a little bummed since I expected more weight loss with low-carb but I'm happy that I'm not starving and that I feel GREAT! Still...12.5 lbs. is nothing to balk at.

I'll take it!

Oh, and the interview...well...it went fairly well. I blanked out on one question but I blame them for that since it was a 3 part question and they read it to me all at once and expected me to be able to remember each facet of the stupid question. I think they realized that they screwed up because on the remaining similar questions, they asked each piece of the whole question separately. Over all, I think I did the best I could but I wouldn't say that I have it in the bag by any means. They hope to let us know who gets the promotion by next week so stay tuned!

So...the big interview is tomorrow

and I'm totally shitting bricks! Sorry for the cursing but seriously...I'm freaking out here! Please say a little prayer for me or send me some positive vibes if you don't believe in praying. Thank you SO much! :o)

I'll let you know how things go...

Random pics

So we took a few pictures yesterday that I had to share - from Adrian's first flag football game. He did okay. I wasn't super crazy about his lack of effort for the first half of the game but I had to let it slide since it was the first game he had played against any other team. He did have a lot of fun though. Keep your fingers crossed that he keeps up with this. I can SO see myself as a football mom!

Enjoy!

Collin - Can you believe the kid needs ANOTHER haircut so soon?

Daddy & Collin (looking very much like Mommy!)

Mommy & her little football player - He INSISTED on wearing his mouth guard!

So much to do, so little time

So I think it's time for a general update and this is going to seem completely random, but bear with me anyway.

I think Collin is pretty much potty-trained now. I've been hesitant to let you know because I was afraid of jinxing myself but he's been training for two weeks now and has not had ANY accidents for the past 2 days! Yay for no more diapers! That's $35/month in my pocket now!

I have my interview for the position I mentioned awhile back on Wednesday. It is now back to being a Supervisor position but I'm cool with that. I'm so ready for the change! I'm pretty much shitting bricks at this point in time (I hate interviews!) so wish me luck! I've got to log a bit of time on Monster.com this weekend and review my management text book that I used for my Intro to Management class in the Spring to brush up on stuff.

I have like one stupid pound (or so) before I meet this month's weight loss goal. I gave myself until the 24th to lose it so keep your fingers crossed. I've done great as far as eating sensibly and working out this week so I better see some results when I get on the scale for the final weigh-in!!!

I started back to school on Thursday. I'm taking 'Dealing with Diversity' and 'Human Resources Management' and it seems as if the quarter shouldn't be too difficult as far as homework and whatnot. Yay for that!

I bought my Christmas present way early. I'm so flipping excited about it! I'm flying down to Naples, Florida BY MYSELF to visit my BFF, Joe for about 5 days in December. I'm scared shitless about flying by myself but I'm excited about going to Florida and getting to hang out with Joe (and Vic). He's already got a bunch of fun stuff planned...beach time, fun at the gay bars, etc. The best part of it is is that I got the round-trip plane ticket for $206 TOTAL. Can you believe that?! I couldn't pass that up and considering that this will be the last chance I'll have to visit him for probably the next 5 years, I just have to go!

Oh, BTW...sorry for all the cussing this go 'round. It was completely necessary! LOL

More evidence of my little brother's awesomeness

Victories build confidence for Indians
By DENNY McPHERSON • The Marion Star • September 17, 2008

MOUNT GILEAD - Victories in recent close games have finally given the Mount Gilead High School football team and its faithful a winning attitude.

The Indians have won a pair of one-point contests in the last three weeks and slipped past Northmor 18-7 in between those two thrillers to run their overall record to 3-1. They are also tied atop the Mid Ohio Athletic Conference Blue Division with Pleasant at 3-0.

The first game of the Indians' run, a 7-6 cliff-hanger against arch rival and backyard foe Cardington-Lincoln, gave Mount Gilead a reason to believe its program was beginning to turn the corner.

"Defense won that game for us," said senior Indians quarterback Geoffrey Gompf, the third-leading rusher in the MOAC with 412 yards who has also thrown for 414.

"The defense saw what it is capable of doing and it has shut down teams." Senior tackle Dane Jobe has been a big part of that defense with more than 40 tackles on the season. He said the Indians' penchant for winning close games has not come by accident.

"We're a lot more conditioned now than what we were in the past," Jobe said Wednesday after completing some running drills to close a Mount Gilead practice. "In the fourth quarter, that gives us a boost. Everybody else is sucking wind."

Gompf believes the triumph over Cardington, which is also off to a 3-1 start, did a lot more than just add a notch in the win column for the Indians.

"If we get into a tight situation now, we know what to do," Gompf said.

First-year Mount Gilead head coach Steve Ringer also understands the importance of winning a tense struggle. As an assistant coach, he's seen the Indians falter in the past. Mount Gilead was just 3-7 a year ago, coming off of back-to-back 0-10 campaigns and a 24-game losing streak.

"I believe those close wins we have helped the kids believe in themselves," Ringer said. "I believe they always had the ability. A lot of this game is mental. When you win those type of games, it changes the whole attitude of the team."

It has also changed the outlook of the Mount Gilead community, Jobe said.

"A lot of people here are a lot more into the football team," Jobe said. "When you lose all of the time, they say the football team is horrible. Now everybody is coming to the games. They know what we can do and they are excited."

The Indians will look to extend their winning streak to four on Friday when they host Ridgedale's winless Rockets for the Indians' homecoming clash. Despite big games down the road against MOAC title contenders Pleasant, Highland, North Union, and Buckeye Valley, Ringer and his troops have their sights set on the Rockets.

"We could care less who we play next week. It's who we play this week and that's Ridgedale," Ringer said. "In past years we've been in 0-4 situations and people looked us over. We've learned from 0-10 and 3-7 to never take anyone for granted. We'll need to give our best effort."

Ringer is wary of the Rocket squad, no matter its 0-4 overall ledger and its 0-3 conference mark. "They come out in a lot of different formations and we will have to be prepared to defend the whole field," Ringer said.

"When they line up in the I, they run the ball effectively. In other games they have thrown the ball well. When they put everything together, they have a dangerous offense. "On offense, we will have to execute the plays we know how to run."

Denny McPherson: 740-375-5158 or dmcphers@marionstar.com

KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK, DANE! YOU FRIGGIN ROCK!!!
GO INDIANS!!!