Wow!

A month and a half, huh? I officially suck.

So much has happened since my last post. We've been passing back and forth all kinds of icky germs. I'm sick again for like the third time in three months. I have no doubt that my illnesses are due to my lack of exercising, eating like complete poo, and my inordinate amounts of stress. Adrian has been sick off and on several times as well and Collin was sick with strep throat for a week, two weeks before Thanksgiving. I have never seen any of my boys that sick ever! His fever got up to 104.9 and we had a hell of a time getting him to eat/drink anything but he finally got over it a week later.

As far as work goes, I have been going on weekly client meetings, trying to save the clients I've got left and trying to get some of them to return. The good news (for us at least) is that the new company that my group of clients went with is doing a terrible job at servicing them and so they are slowly coming back. It's still hard for me that they're gone; I took everything personally and shouldn't have because each one of them I have talked to have indicated that it was not a service issue with me. In fact, they've done wonders for my ego in telling me how much they appreciate all of the help I've given them, how wonderful I am, blah, blah, blah. :D

I also started on my co-op experience class aka internship this month. I'm SO excited because I am assisting on some top secret (just kidding!) human resources projects for 2010. The company is finally getting back to employee appreciation and building back up morale and fostering warm, fuzzy feelings amongst employees. I'm pumped to be along for the ride at this point in time and can definitely see myself staying there long-term.

Family-wise, things have been difficult. We have been helping a close family member with their coming to terms with their alcoholism, and to say it's been hard would be an understatement. This is an on-going issue that isn't going to go away by itself so we have been doing everything that we can to be supportive and help with what we can with this family member. Matt's grandpa has both leukemia and malignant melanoma and they think it has spread to his lymph nodes. My grandma's health has been rapidly deteriorating since August. She started having heart palpitations, feeling faint, and having shortness of breath. They found out that one of her heart chambers is beating too fast and the other too slow. They have shocked her heart twice, to no avail, so now she is on multiple medications to keep her comfortable and give her some quality of life. There is nothing more they can do since she wouldn't survive a surgery. It saddens me because she is just a shell of herself. She has never been a lazy person. In fact, the woman is almost 85 years old and until all of this she was doing volunteer work constantly and had a better social calendar than I did. Now she can't even walk very far or do her own housework. She's got to depend on meals on wheels for food and family to help with everything else. It is going to kill me when she dies because she is my heart. As I've mentioned before, I had a shitty childhood but she was my bright spot. We spent all of our extra time with her and she was the reason why we had any sense of normalcy growing up. I don't know what I would have done without her nor where I'd be today, since I credit so much of my success to her setting such a great example of a strong woman for me.

On to some happy news...we are planning a trip to Ireland in February. Our friends Leah & Trevor are moving back to the States permanently in late March / early April and our trip to Ireland on a budget is pretty much now or never. We are not 100% certain we are going just yet because of our grandparents' health. However, I know my Grandma well enough to know that she wouldn't want me to miss out on this opportunity because of what may or may not happen while we're gone. I've just got to check on some things with trip insurance and then we'll decide from there. Keep your fingers crossed!

Lastly, the dreaded update...weight loss is officially non-existent at this point in time. Between my absolutely dreadful fall quarter at school, overtime, family drama, and now this internship, it's been extremely difficult to get myself back on track. I know that I am using food to get myself through this tough time but I honestly think I'd have a nervous breakdown otherwise (well that and if I didn't have my handy-dandy anti-depressants). Matt & I have decided that as of the beginning of January, we are getting our asses in gear and getting back on track. We're actually paying off a chunk of debt and I think that will free up some money to get a membership to the YMCA. That will help out a lot, plus my classes next quarter are on-line and my internship stuff should slow way down. I am disappointed in myself that I can't get myself to stick to my program during the tough times but it's SO hard. I'm actually so desperate to lose weight that I've contemplated the dreaded weight-loss surgery but I know that a) I'd have to get my eating under control, b) it'd be next to impossible to get anything approved under health insurance since I don't have any other health problems, and c) Matt would never, in a million years, let me get the surgery. So...I guess it's back to good old fashioned hard work, self-discipline, and dedication in less than a month.

Oh, and I haven't even gotten on a scale yet. I'm back up to a size 20 (and those are getting tight), so I'd venture to say I'm back up to frickin 240+ again. So depressing!

However...I keep telling myself that if the Biggest Loser contestants can do it that I can too! :) I'll keep you posted on everything. (for the two of you that still keep up on my blog ;)

I'm around...

Just dealing with a crapload of illnesses around here.

Saturday I woke up and had lost my voice, couldn't breathe, and just felt like crap. Went to urgent care, got a Z-pack, and feel much better now. Unfortunately, Matt is sick, Adrian was sick (yesterday), and Collin has been sick since this weekend. We found out after two doctor visits that the little guy has strep throat. I honestly freaked myself out and thought for sure that he had H1N1 after Matt and my mother-in-law kept yapping in my ear about it (and I promised myself that I wasn't going to be one of THOSE people). It was pretty scary though; his fever got up to 104.9 and neither Tylenol or Motrin would bring it down. He finally seems to have turned a corner. Let's hope so since I only have 2 PTO days to last me until January.

I haven't weighed in and probably won't until after Halloween. I'm not binging but I'm not on Weight Watchers like I should be. I haven't been able to work out either. I may on Friday though...

I just wanted to let y'all know that I'm alive. :)

So wrong but soooo funny!

Sick a-frickin-gain!

I noticed last night that my throat was hurting a little before I went to bed last night. I ended up getting next to no sleep because I woke up at least a dozen times with a stuffy nose and really sore throat. I barely made it through work. I would have went home had I had more PTO time left. I came home tonight and have been hibernating in the bedroom in full-on sweats and comforters. I finally broke down and bought one of those Temporal Scanner thermometers since I can't ever get an accurate reading for Collin. I doubt I'll ever go back to regular thermometers again. Anywho...my fever is a smidgen over 100. I just downed some Theraflu so I'll hopefully get some sleep and get to feeling better tomorrow. I'm just peeved about being sick. This kind of shit always happens to me when I finally get motivated to eat well and get on a good workout schedule. Argh!

I'm really going to be pissed if this screws up my weigh-in next week.

It's my own fault!

I only lost 1.2 lbs. this week. I don't think that it was the Chinese food or even the mounds of Smarties I had every day last week (which I logged by the way). I am having a difficult time getting in my veggies and I think I might have had 16 oz. of water yesterday. I also had low point days on Saturday and Sunday. So...that's what I think the deal with that was. I'm happy though. A pound is a pound is a pound.

I jogged again today. I shaved another 1.5 minutes off of my normal path and jogged almost an entire mile - I had to take a minute break (or so) to catch my breath but I felt awesome when I was done! I think I'm going to shoot for jogging or using the elliptical three times this week. I'm really enjoying exercising again...thank God!

Oh, and sorry I'm blogging so late. My frickin work has blocked portions of Blogger - like the one I need to sign in and create a new post. Douchebags. What pisses me off the most is that for the most part, I only get on-line on my breaks and during lunch time. It's the Effers that abuse the privilege that ruin the rest of it for us.

Damn you Chinese Buffet!

I had a bad day yesterday. It started with Burger King in the morning. I decided to take Collin to BK for breakfast and bought myself a frickin Croissanwhich (sp?) meal. I originally intended to buy just coffee but caved. Lunch I did well and didn't have my normal afternoon snack. That caused me to be starving by the time I got home. Adrian has been going to the high school football games on Friday so me, Matt, and Collin have been going out to dinner. I wanted something quick so we went to the Chinese Buffet. It's SO delicious but I know it's SO bad!

On a positive note, I am fairly certain that my stomach is shrinking. I was only able to eat one plate of food and a dessert there. I am really starting to detest that stuffed feeling after eating.

You want to know what's crazy about yesterday? I don't feel that guilty about it. I'm realizing that although I'm still slipping up a little that I'm really pushing myself and making myself more accountable. I have been able to keep off about 25 lbs. for the past year. Although I wish it was more, this is the first time in my adult life that I've accomplished this.

I credit a big part of it to getting rid of my bigger clothes. I might slip up for a couple of days but as soon as I get uncomfortable in my clothes, I get right back on the wagon. Another thing that has helped me is planning my meals and keeping food that I know will trip me up out of the house completely. I also know that my weekends usually result in higher point days. That helps me pass on food during the week.

Speaking of that, I passed on not only Donato's pizza this week, but donuts too! There is always food being brought in to work and I'm learning that if I want to be able to have higher point days on the weekend, that I have to pass on stuff during the week. The crazy thing about passing on these two things was that I didn't feel deprived! I think that's probably the first time ever.

So yeah...I slipped up but I really feel like I've accomplished some things this week so that, to me, overshadows the couple of slip-ups.

P.S. I worked out twice so far this week and even started back on HIIT yesterday - 1.9 miles and 324 calories in a 1/2 hour. YEAH!

Down another 2.4 lbs...

Despite the bad day on Tuesday, Cici's on Thursday, and Rally's on Saturday. Oh, yeah...didn't mention Saturday, did I?

Matt & I went to a 30th birthday party for one of his friends and I didn't eat or drink anything. Bad news is that we didn't get out of there and weren't able to eat dinner until close to 10:00. We ended up running through Rally's drive-thru Saturday night but I am happy to report that I got a small combo meal with a diet (instead of the super, super sized one). I really, REALLY wanted a milkshake but I didn't get one. Today I even skipped free Donato's pizza at lunch. Seriously...who skips out on Donato's pizza (almost the world's best pizza)???

Actually, the bigger reason why I skipped out is that I hate eating in front of people. I get nervous about people thinking that I'm eating too much or that they're watching Fatty McFatty, I mean, me eat. Neurotic, I know. Whatever works, right?

Oh, official weight as of this morning...229.9 lbs. My short-term goal that Weight Watchers made for me is 220 lbs. from 232.2 lbs. (when I started WW in July). Kind of depressing now that I realized that I've only lost 2 lbs. Oh, well. I'm still plugging away and that's all that matters...

Back to yesterday (God, I'm A.D.D. tonight!)...Matt made the most delicious low-point French Toast for breakfast. He is getting burned out on cooking so I told him that I would start cooking at least once a week. I'm pretty stoked because I found several WW recipes that are low in points and easy to make. I made stir-fry chicken with red/yellow peppers and cashews last night. Yummy! Collin didn't approve but I think that's just because it was too flavorful for him. The next one I'm making is Balsamic Chicken w/mushrooms. I actually might make this tomorrow if I can get my math homework/studying done tonight.

Let's just keep our fingers crossed that I don't give anyone food poisoning because that's a real possibility...

Before I forget...I did work out twice last week. Yay! Dare I shoot for three times this week???