Food journal - day #4

I am completely blown away by the amount of fruits and veggies I've been consuming this week (5-6 servings per day). I should probably start adding in more soon...baby steps though. :)

8:15 - Breakfast: whole wheat mini-bagel w/strawberry cream cheese, banana, non-fat yogurt, and coffee w/regular creamer and sugar-free DaVinci coffee syrup.

1:00 - Lunch: Lean Cuisine Philly Cheesesteak Panini and carrots w/yogurt ranch dressing. Can you say scrumdiddlyumptious?! :D

3:30 - Snack: apple w/peanut butter.

5:30 - Dinner: Panera - Sierra Turkey sandwich (1/2 portion), broccoli cheddar soup, and whole grain baguette. I have never ate anything other than bagels at Panera and this meal was absolutely delicious! It was a little higher in calories (790) but it was extremely filling and tasty! Don't know how soon I'll go back since the daggone meal was over $8!!!

10:15 - strawberry frosted mini wheats w/milk. I didn't want to eat this but I was starving.

I was low on my water today but that's only because work was completely insane today. Hope it doesn't affect my weigh-in too much tomorrow...

I'm quitting...

Smoking that is. For good.

Matt started Chantix last week and he is officially quitting this weekend. I don't buy cigarettes for myself but I bum a few off of him at night after I get home. He has informed me that I am not allowed to smoke around him ever again once he quits for good...not even when I drink. :(

This is a good thing though. I'm really happy with the decision. I would like to kick my workouts up a notch and so this will help in that respect.

Wish us luck!

Food journal - day #3

I cannot say enough good things about this food journaling!

8:15 - Breakfast: whole wheat mini-bagel w/strawberry cream cheese, banana, non-fat yogurt, and coffee w/regular creamer and sugar-free DaVinci coffee syrup.

11:45 - Lunch: turkey w/cheese on pita bread, sugar-free applesauce, and carrots w/yogurt ranch dressing.

I am dreading this afternoon / early evening. Tonight is my work overtime night at work and I'm always really hungry by the time I leave here at 5:30 or 6:00. Unfortunately, I don't get home until 6:30 or 7:00 and so that may cause me a problem. I have healthy snacks on standby so keep your fingers crossed!

3:30 - Snack: apple w/peanut butter. YUMMY!

6:00 - Snack: 100 calorie kettle corn. I really didn't want to eat this but I was afraid that I would get hungry and stop on the way home to get something. I didn't. :)

7:00 - Dinner: Grilled sausage patty on low-carb bread, fettucine alfredo, and mixed veggies. I am a bit nervous about having the sausage for dinner but Matt is still doing low-carb and he is our resident chef so I happily ate it.

It's about 7:45 now and I'm still hungry so I have a feeling I'll be having an evening snack, as much as I don't want one... :(

10:15 - I'm happy to report that the hunger has passed. My stomach just hadn't caught up with my brain when I posted earlier. I'm getting ready to go to bed so no evening snack tonight. :D

Food journal - day #2

Breakfast: 7:45 - Whole wheat bagel w/strawberry cream cheese (I couldn't resist even though I know I might be hungry later), yogurt, sugar free applesauce, and coffee w/regular creamer.

I'm nervous about dinner already! I have school tonight and I'm worried that I'm going to make a bad choice. Any ideas? Maybe I'll get Subway...

Lunch: 11:00 - Turkey and cheese on pita bread, carrots w/yogurt ranch dressing, and sugar free applesauce. I am very happy that I didn't have a morning snack and I wasn't ravenously hungry by lunch time. Lunch was satisfying. I do think I'm going to stop by Subway for dinner tonight...

Snack: 2:15 - Apple w/peanut butter - I don't think I'll ever get tired of this! :) I definitely decided to do Subway for dinner. Keep your fingers crossed that I stick to it because I'll actually be under my calories for the day. I feel good about my decisions today already!

Dinner: 5:15 - Chicken Teriyaki sub and baked Lay's potato chips w/diet coke. I am SO proud of myself for sticking to my guns. This meal was absolutely delicious and I felt satisfied after eating it. I *almost* got a cookie since I've got a ton of Subway rewards that I can redeem but I resisted. I was also hungry on break at school and really, really wanted to go to the vending machine to get some M&Ms or something sweet but I didn't. Whew! Dodged that bullet this time!

Snack: 10:45 - Tostitos w/salsa. I almost didn't eat this but I was a little hungry and craving something a little salty. This was so flavorful and I enjoyed every bite. I only got in about 90 oz. of water today. I had school tonight and so it's normal to be a little down on my water on these days. I cannot believe that I didn't binge or eat something "naughty" today. Woo-hoo!

I think this public journal is a good thing for me. It will be a bit of a pain to do and keep up on but I think it will be just one more tool to help keep me accountable. I apologize ahead of time for the constant editing...it just seems to work out well for me since I can access SP from home or work.

Food journal - day #1

Well...it's not technically day #1 since I did it a couple of days before this but I think I'm going to do it on my blog; here and on SP. So...here goes:

Breakfast at 8:00 a.m.: Mini whole wheat bagel w/strawberry cream cheese, sugar-free strawberry applesauce, Light & Fit Vanilla Yogurt, & Coffee w/half and half and sugar-free vanilla coffee syrup

I feel ZERO guilt about this meal. In fact, it was absolutely delicious and I feel good about my decisions. One meal down, two to go... :)

Snack at 10:20 a.m.: Smart Pop 100 calorie butter-flavored popcorn

I am ravenously hungry and think that tomorrow I may add more protein to see if that helps since I don't like snacking in the morning.

Lunch at 12:15 p.m.: Flax, oat bran, and whole wheat pita with smoked turkey and cheese, carrots w/yogurt ranch dressing, sugar-free strawberry applesauce

I don't think I brought enough food for the day. Argh?!

Edited at 1:15 p.m. to add, I am STUFFED! Good lunch. The yogurt ranch dressing was delicious! What's even better is that the dressing was free. A co-worker's father works at T. Marzetti's and she is constantly bringing in stuff they can't package and sell (for one reason or another) and this was one of those things. YUMMY!

Snack at 2:30 p.m. - apple with Smucker's Natural Peanut Butter w/honey.

OMG! This has to be one of THE best snacks I've ever had. I think this might be a staple for awhile. I highly recommend it. :) I am STUFFED. I hope this holds me through to dinner tonight...

Dinner at 6:00 p.m.: cheeseburger (on low-carb bread), mashed potatoes, mixed veggies

It's now almost 6:30 and I'm still a little hungry. I'm certain I'll probably have a snack later on, it's just a matter of what I'll snack on...

Snack at 10:20 p.m.: Tortilla chips and salsa I wasn't ravenously hungry but I needed something before I went to bed.

Last but not least, I got in 120 oz. of water today.

I'm SO proud of myself!

Scatological humor alert

If you don't like toilet humor, stop reading here. If you do, and you want to laugh at my expense, carry on...

So...as I may or may not have mentioned, I am not low-carbing right now. I started a food journal and have increased my whole grains, fruits, and vegetables. Let's just say that my body is not happy with this decision and is revolting right now. Here is a copy and paste of an e-mail between my work BFF and me from this afternoon. I hope you think it's as funny as we did.

2:45 - Me to BFF
I am officially in heaven! I tried that peanut butter with an apple and it seriously had to be one of THE best snacks I've ever had! I think that's going to be my new afternoon snack for awhile… :)

2:54 - BFF to me
Excellent!!! I’m glad it worked out for you!!!

2:56: Me to BFF
Anything that gets me to eat my fruits and veggies I'm down with. :oP
I'm just not looking forward to the almost certain side effects that I'm going to be having from this increased fiber from the fruits/veggies. Blech!

2:59: BFF to me
Ha ha ha!!! Yea…you better LOOK OUT!!!!! It’s going to be a shock to your system and you are going to be running!!!!!!!!!!!
Good luck!!!!!!

3:02: Me to BFF
I know. I will probably have to put you on poop patrol again. LMAO! (not really though…I hate going #2 here!!!)
Yeah, thanks…I need it!

3:08: BFF to me
Ha ha ha!!!! Got to love it!!! Sometimes you can’t control it…your body does….and you have an almost hour ride to and from work….you better watch out!!! LOL!!!!!

3:11: Me to BFF
Uh, huh…I'm glad someone is getting a good laugh out of all of this. You just wait! You're trying to eat healthier too… :oP

3:12: BFF to me
Oh I had my time….a few weeks ago…when I was eating healthy…salads, veggies, etc….it was like 1-2 times a day a few days that week…I was hurting and had to run several times…it was AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, now it’s your turn!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!

3:16: Me to BFF
You made me literally laugh out loud! Although…it's not funny. Good news is that I workout everyday so I can just use that bathroom down there before I do so and that knocks out one #2 for the day. Thank god there usually isn't anyone down there when I go!
I am NOT looking forward to this…because I know that's exactly what's going to happen! Duh, duh, duh!

3:28: BFF to me
I’m glad I could make you giggle!!! Ha ha ha! And that we can share these stories……hehehe!!!!

3:32: Me to BFF
I spoke too soon. I've got the damn gurgles…you know what that means.
This SUCKS!
Trying to get healthy sucks in this respect! Ughhhh!

3:42: BFF to me
OMG!!!!
Let’s see….you had cheese and a wheat pita with carrots…the beginnings of deadly….then an apple with PB….for sure deadly…..running for the bathroom….priceless….!!!
:) Love ya!

3:46: Me to BFF
Oh, god. I need a shower! That was AWFUL!
Hope you don't have to go pee anytime soon. Blech!
I am SO glad I can talk to you about this crap (literally, LOL!).
I hope that is it for the day!
Don't laugh too loud over there because I know you are!

3:50: BFF to me
HA HA HA!!! Feel better?! Let’s hope that’s it…you need to drive home!!!!
I wouldn’t laugh……

3:53: Me to BFF
A little. I think I feel round #3 coming on.
You got any Imodium over there? When I changed purses I forgot to put some in my new one.
My ass is leaving at 4:00 even though I was here late. I will not subject anyone any further to this disgustingness today. (I feel bad for the rest stop people!)
I am certainly glad that I can laugh at myself in between stomach cramps.
Call me if you have drugs. :oP

3:54: BFF to me
I’m sorry…my drugs are at home….i cleaned my desk out before mat. Leave and never replenished yet….sorry……!!!!
I was thinking of you pulling over at the rest stop..!!!! OMG!!! LOL!!! I hope you make it home OK!!

3:57: Me to BFF
No biggie. I think it's finally subsiding…at least that wave.
Maybe I'll just see if I can find one of Collin's diapers in the car. J/k…even I won't stoop that low (as much as I would almost rather go in one of those than at a rest stop!).
Glad I could entertain you this p.m. :)



I hope this doesn't last for very long. This afternoon was just downright horrible.

Note to Matt: I promise that we don't e-mail like this everyday. This is not why I have to work over. This was an exception to the rule. It was completely necessary.

Starting the food journal tomorrow!

I'm actually excited (but scared)! I bought a little journal that I can carry with me in my purse so I have no excuse not to write in it. I think this will be better than SP right now because I don't always have access to a computer. I'm going to work on finishing up the reading that I need to about the journal and then I'm going to do what the book says. I haven't decided if I'm going to journal my food here yet or not...got to think about that one.

Since you aren't supposed to deprive yourself, I'm going off low-carb. I don't know if it will be permanent or not. I've already been kicking around some ideas for breakfast like oatmeal, whole grain bagel w/peanut butter, and fruit or yogurt. You have NO idea how excited I am about eating whole grains, fruit, and yogurt again!

It will be interesting to see how this goes. Wish me luck!

Rough time

That's what I'm having now. When you see me disappear for awhile, or post infrequently, it's either because I'm too busy to post or I've "relapsed". Probably more likely the latter.

I am learning a lot about binge eating through the books I'm borrowing and I definitely think that my weight problem has an element of binge eating to it. I'm just now getting to the part of the one book where I am supposed to start a journal of what I eat, when I eat, how I feel, etc. I'm extremely interested to see how that goes. I might even start posting the food journals here if I find them therapeutic or if I find that they help keep me accountable.

I'm still waffling back and forth on whether I want to stay with low-carb long-term or not. I really feel like the extreme low-carb leads to binges but that also, when I go over a certain amount (60 grams or so) that that also triggers binges. This is SO hard to figure out how to strike a good balance!

I'm definitely not giving up or quitting. That is NOT going to happen. This is just another bump in the road that I will overcome with teaching myself how to eat healthy and learning how to eat the right way.

I saw my psychiatrist today and let him know about what is going on (an almost two week long binge :( )and so he switched up my medication. The medication that he put me on should help with impulse control and binge eating so please keep your fingers crossed for me. I'm definitely nervous because there's a stigma (at least in my mind) that goes along with this particular medication and I've never taken it before. My doctor is wonderful though. He has a very open door policy and will see me any time I need to see him and so I have no doubt that if I do have any problems, we'll get them nipped in the bud.

I also finally broke down and talked to my mom (who is no longer getting divorced by the way...yay!) and let her know what is going on. She has agreed to be a sponsor of sorts for me so when/if I have a moment of weakness, I can call her anytime I need to so she can talk me down. I'm going to ask a couple other people *cough* Heather *cough* to be my go to people too so if I can't get ahold of her, I have someone else I can call or text for support. If you are interested in helping me with this new plan and you have unlimited text or would be willing to chat with me for a couple of minutes at a time, let me know because Lord knows that I need all the help I can get at this point in time.

Thank you guys for all of your support regardless. It means the world to me and I really appreciate it! :)

Progress Pics

Thank God this blog is private right now because these are U-G-L-Y! Here you go:

I hope you can see them or at least click on them to make them bigger. I don't have any photo programs so I had to edit these in PowerPoint and save them as jpg files.

I am pretty sure that I see a difference. Not much but definitely a difference. Which is a good thing, since I have done terrible with my eating this week. I feel like shit. I started my period yesterday and it's pretty much the period from hell. I'm sure you all wanted to hear that but I feel the need to explain (or rather excuse) my hellacious eating.

I am back on track on Saturday. Easter threw me off and I'm stressed out because of the stuff going on with my mom and this PMS/period thing on top of it.

The good news is that I have kept on top of my working out. I feel really good in that respect so at least I didn't veer completely off track.

I also learned that I must keep my carbs at 60 grams or below per day. That's what keeps my hunger and cravings at bay. So I guess you could say it's been an educational experience. I really need to start planning my meals/snacks better too. Working out at lunch has my schedule completely off because I don't have time to eat after I workout and so I can't eat lunch until 2:00 or 2:30 when I get my my afternoon break. School has thrown my schedule off as well because since I eat lunch so late, I'm not too hungry when I get to school so I don't eat and then get ravenously hungry about an hour after being there and I can't leave until 9:00 since I have a lab I have to go to after class. I should probably consider eating a serving of nuts and an apple or something to hold myself over until after school.

Anyway...

I'm sorry if I've let any of you down. :(

The dreaded PMS monster

Has reared it's ugly head!

I seriously don't know WTH is wrong with me?! I cannot stop cramming sugar in my pie hole! I have no doubt that my weigh-in is going to be horrible if I don't nip this in the bud. I'm half tempted to skip my weigh-in but I won't because that would just be sabotaging myself even further.

On a positive note, I've been kicking my own ass working out. Yesterday was an all-time record. 2.13 (or was that .14?) miles in 31 minutes and I burned almost 350 calories. Woo-hoo!

Work-related update - my boss is not speaking at our seminars next month now and so she asked me to do one of the ones she was supposed to do. Surprisingly enough, I'm not as nervous now as what I was when I decided to volunteer to speak. The extra one I'm doing shouldn't be any big deal because it's one of the smaller seminars.

Personal update - My mom is getting divorced. This is all VERY sudden. She just found evidence of a possible "indiscretion" this weekend, confronted my step-dad, and he went all crazy on her. She moved out of the house with my 17-year old brother and my 12-year old niece and is staying with my brother for the time being. She filed for divorce today (already!) and if all goes well, she should be divorced within 75 days. She informed me tonight that she intends to move back to South Dakota once the divorce is final; within the next three months. I'm trying not to get worked up about it since she changes her mind like she changes her underwear but I am honestly going to freak out if she moves. She is my best friend and I talk to her all the time. I'm sure I'll still talk to her like I do but now I won't have the option to just jump in the car and see her when I want to. I'll be lucky to see her once or twice a year. It just really sucks because I'm not remotely close to my dad anymore and so I just feel utterly alone already...

Writer's block

Yes...I know. I totally suck. I haven't written in over a week. I totally have writer's block. Of course, now that I typed that, I'll probably have an insanely long post.

Let's see. What's happened the past week?

Collin is still sick. It's now a cold but it's manageable. Adrian caught it on Monday and was sick until yesterday. I hope with the warm weather change that will be the end of the sicknesses for awhile since I've officially blown through several PTO days staying home with them since Matt can't.

I lost another 1/2 pound this week. Not much but I'll take it since I had a couple high carb days. I did work out consistently this week and so I'm very happy with that.

Speaking of that, we went rock climbing for the first time yesterday. We had a really good time and I definitely think we'll go again. I had the intention of taking pics but it's kind of hard when one person climbs and the other person has to anchor or belay the other person. Maybe next time? It was definitely a good workout though! According to Sparkpeople, a half hour of rock climbing burns about 560 calories. Crazy?!

I am taking a few days off of low-carbing. I'm really burned out and I'm really curious to see how I do on my own, so to speak. I have no intentions of binging; I just want to test the waters. I also bought myself an Easter basket this year and I fully intend on enjoying some Easter candy on Sunday. Come Monday though, the remaining candy is going to work with me to go in the community candy dish.

I think that about sums it up. Boring I know, but such is life sometimes...

Good week!

I've had a good week. :) I haven't had any sweets, including sugar-free candy/chocolate, since this weekend.

I didn't get a chance to tell you the even better news (since Collin has had the flu AGAIN for the past 2 days) but I FINALLY broke the 230-mark!!! I weighed in at 229.1 lbs. this morning.

My next mini-goal is 218 lbs. The lowest weight I've been in the past 5-6 years was 219 so this will be the true test. If I can break through to 218 lbs., I feel like I can do anything! (as well as lose the rest of this daggone weight!)

I haven't gotten to work out like I have wanted this week because I've been taking care of Collin but I'm still interested to see how the official weigh-in goes tomorrow. Wish me luck!